WEEK 4. When true Doormat tendencies start to really show up. And show up big.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (0-3) at GREEN BAY (1-2)
It's going to take a small miracle for the Aints to start their turnaround in Green Bay. The Aints defense has blitzed 28 times, and 22 times the pass was completed (78.6% failure rate). On those blitzes, they've given up 3 touchdowns and made NO interceptions. It appears the Aints defense has ceased targeting ANYBODY.
The Packers have not exactly been winning going away...and if fact sport a losing record (1-2). They lead the league in sacks allowed (16). Yes they got robbed last week, but what were they doing in that position in the first place? NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said it best: the controversy is "the beauty of sports and the beauty of officiating." I am always thinking of beauty when I think of NFL refs.
ST. LOUIS RAMS (1-2) host the SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (2-1)
The reason the Packers were in a position to lose on Monday night was the Seahawks might have the fastest defense in the league. Wow. That ain't the old Seahag defense from days of yore. Days of your what? They days of staring at your shoes while your team blows it again. The Hags aren't blowing anything right now, and the Rams come sliding under the St. Louis arch with only 5 TDs and NO rushing TDs yet this year. Sam Bradford is averaging 4 sacks a game, and 7 knock-downs. The Lambs will be lucky to score a touchdown in this one.
DETROIT LIONS (1-2) host the VIKINGS (2-1)
Here come the Kittens. The Vikes will not experience a let-down after last week's upset. On the contrary, they will be so amped up for this contest that that will be Detroit's only hope- over-pursuit leading to somebody wide frikkin' open down the other side. The Kittens cannot keep digging huge holes that they have to climb out of. It's exciting, but they need to score two TDs in the first quarter for once. Kittens coach Jim Schwartz will officially be on the hot seat if they lose this one at the Kat Box.
TENNESSEE TITANS (1-2) at HOUSTON TEXANS (3-0)
It's not clear to me how the Texans are going to lose a game this year. And certainly not this one.
The Titans have NO running game. 39 yards per game. Titans QB Jake Locker's only been sacked twice, but he has 2 lost fumbles. Titans should get to 1-3 without much problem.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (1-2) host the BENGALS (2-1)
Gaguars QB Blaine Gabbert hasn't thrown a TD pass in the first quarter in two years. But in the fourth quarter this season he has two TDs, 209 yards, and a 122.9 rating. Of course, one of those TDs came against the spectacular circus that is the Colts secondary on the winning TD last week. Bengals should grind this game into a million punts.
MIAMI DOLPHINS (1-2) at ARIZONA CARDINALS (3-0)
Ever notice that the Dolphins logo is not wearing a Dolphins helmet? Their own helmets have a morale problem. This game is up for grabs, with the real possibility the Crudinals will be 4-0 by Monday. That's just cwazy. I'm calling this game EVEN, just cause I need one more week to be convinced of the Floppers true Doormat cred for this year.
ELSEWHERE:
CHARGERS-CHIEFS
The Chargers might be really bad. They were really really bad last week. The Chiefs spent the weekend in the Big Easy last week, and are feeling mighty fine. Chargers far more likely to slide into the Basement and take up residence.
PANTHERS at FALCONS
People keep picking the Panthers to upset people and for Cam Newton to be the Michael Jordan of football. As far as i can tell, he's more Carmelo Anthony. A ball hog in a game where that's hard to pull off, and you don't win in either. Pansies are -6 in takeaways and the Falcons are +10. uh-oh.
REDSKINS at BUCS
Josh Freeman is not having his 'come-back' year. I don't know how you can do that when you've had only one decent year in your career. Redskins lead the league with 99 points. RGB III was knocked to the ground 28 times last week- it's the 'new' QB. The one that gets pummeled.
GIANTS at EAGLES
The Pheebles are the fumble kings in this league (8 on the rug, 6 lost), but it may not be enough. Wild game in Philly.
RAIDERS at BRONCOS
Raydurzz have to come out swinging like crazy, kick 3 epic field goals, play the game of their lives in the secondary, and get a kick return for a TD. Otherwise it's the blow-out of the week and Manning has a field day with the Raydurzz shredded pass defense.
For some reason, I've started to really enjoy watching the havoc that descends on players and coaches when they lose, especially games they are supposed to win. I feel this way in particular with Schwartaz in Detroit. All of which adds to my Doormat hopes of losses in every driveway and two losses in every garage. And I miss the replacement refs already. The game last night was boring, civil, orderly, fair, and unfunny. We really had a good thing. The Touception last Monday was the single greatest moment in Doormat history. Good thing I'm reading a book on how to grieve properly.
ReplyDeleteSchwartz is a pro of the incredulous snit.
ReplyDeleteAnd, you couldn't be more right. The replacement refs were the real Doormat show for 3 weeks. WOW.
ReplyDelete