GETTING THAT LOSING
FEELING
STEELERS 10,
BENGALS 20
Can you tell if Big Ben is laughing or crying? Or looking at the scoreboard and trying
really hard to see it some other way? And though the Cleveland Brownies still own the
Basement in the AFC North, there
is no reason why you can’t have two bad teams over there- just ask the
Cincinnati Bengals who just had two consecutive winning seasons for the first
time in 20 years. I bet they loved
that game in Cincy last night.
Now it’s the Steelers’ (the Shower Curtain?) turn. In their last 11 games, the
Steelers have won ONCE. That
includes the preseason, but STILL.
They’ve got the taste, and the mood. Pittsburgh came on like gang busters at the end of the
season last year, losing 4 of the last 5 to finish a mediocre 8-8. Coach Mike Tomlin is 2 games
under .500 for the first time in his CAREER.
We’re sticking to our pre-season prediction that the Torn
Curtain will make the 10 Club (10 losses) this year. They is on their way!
DOORMAT STANDINGS WEEK 2
AFC
W-L PF PA
Jacksonville
0-2 11 47
Cleveland 0-2 16 37
Pittsburgh 0-2 19 36
NY Jets 1-1 28 30
NFC
W-L PF PA
Carolina 0-2
30
36
Tampa Bay
0-2
31 34
Washington 0-2
47 71
NY Giants 0-2
54 77
Minnesota 0-2
54 65
GAME OF THE WEEK
RAIDERS 19,
JAGS 9
OK, let’s get serious now. Can the Jags go 0-16? The Raiders were the early season test, and the Jags
passed it with flying colors. The
Raiders are, admittedly, improved.
Holy Cow they committed only 5 penalties on Sunday, though it can be
hard to draw a holding penalty when the other guys just kinda stand there. Same
goes for false starts- what’s the hurry?
The Jags go to Seattle next week, which should be our second complete blow-out of the season (the Hawks didn’t score enough against the
49ers to rate it a blowout). They
haven’t scored a touchdown yet, and that should be intact after next week,
barring some maddening 4th quarter slip-up when the ‘Hawks are
playing fans from the stands and the decibel level goes below 400. After that, the only bumps in the road
are St. Louis (week 5), Tennessee
(week 10), Cleveland (week 13), and Buffalo (week 15), with the Titanics back
for an encore week 16.
Honestly? The
Rams and Titanics have already won a game so the Jags should have no problem
there. The Bills can score, they just can’t stop anybody, and that’s no problem
as the Jags aren’t just anybody and they stop themselves with no help. Just TRY and get them to score. They’ll go all safety on you. So, that leaves…CLEVELAND in week 13,
where both teams could really be 0-11 and in full tank mode. Could be the GAME OF THE YEAR in
Cleveland. Wow! Now what do we do
for the next 10 weeks?
LOOK OUT ABOVE!!
CHIEFS 17, DALLAS 16
The lovefest is in full pow-wow in KC. The Cheaps! The Cheaps! Are the Chiefs climbing out of the
basement? Now, hold your
horses. We don’t take teams off
the masthead until they pass 8 wins.
Actually, we don’t seem to take teams off our masthead no matter what,
but that’s another issue.
The Cheaps are in Philly on Thursday- ANDY REID boo-fest? If you miss this game, you must
be nuts. EVERYBODY wants to see
the Eagles, and right now I think everybody wants to PLAY them, too. At least, every offense does. After Sunday’s 33 first downs and 539
yards of offense by the CHARGERS,
every quarterback in the league wants to play the Eagles and get the
ball back every 33 seconds.
Woo-Hoo!
Chip Kelly is going to find out why maybe sometimes you
don’t want to give the ball back quite so fast in the NFL.
After that, the schedule is a Doormat Murderer’s row for the
Cheaps, and they have almost no chance of losing- New York Midgets, the Titanics, the Raydurz, Houston,
Brownies, Buffalo. They could beat them all except
for Houston, and even playing in the SAME TOWN as the Astros puts you in danger
of blowing a game, so look for the Cheaps to have a legitimate shot at a
winning record this year. Good
Grief.
BROWNS 6,
RAVENS 14
The Brownies punted 8 times and kicked 2 field goals. When your highlight reel is two
guy’s right feet, you’re a Contender. The Brownies DO have a defense, so they
will be hard pressed to lose every single frikking game. In Cleveland, though, it will seem like
they are losing all of them. Toss
another bag of weed in the brownie batter, folks, it’s gonna be a
looooooooooooooong season.
FROM THE FIRE TO THE TRASH
PILE!
BUCCANEERS 14,
SAINTS 16
Two weeks, two last second field goals to pull out the
loss. This team may be
catching lightening in a bottle and go on a run right now, with only the
Carolina Pansies in week 8 posing any threat of winning for the first half of
the season. Just don’t take
out Josh Freeman, please. I’ve got money on this.
THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE
NY Giants 23,
Broncos 41 - an Eli Manning injury away from total
destruction. although with 4 interceptions last Sunday, maybe he's the problem.
Redskins 20,
Packers 38- start playing
Ted Cousins soon or lose RGB for another season. Maybe that’s the Shanaplan.
Titans 24,
Texans 30 (OT)- Texans are
playing with fire, but the Titanics put it out with an
ocean of mistakes.
Vikings 30,
Bears 31- the Yikes are
proving they can lose the close ones.
Can they lose big, though?
Not next week in Cleveland.
Yikings will leave the ranks of the Unsullied and pick up a win.
NFL WEEK TWO WORST STATS
Points- 3
49ers (wow were they ever bad)
Yards-
232 Pats
Rush-
23 Giants (they never run the ball for beans, hence the Eli desperation heaves)
Pass-
107
49ers (wow were they ever
bad)
Sacked- 6
Carolina
INT 4
Giants
Turnovers
5- 49ers (wow were…never mind)
Punts- 8 Browns, Titans, Jags (all-star list)
Penalties
10-118 Bucs
aaaAAAAAAAAnd That’s the View From the Basement!!!!!
Does anybody have The Shower Curtain? They are looking good.
ReplyDeleteno! The fly in the ointment is the Browns and Showerboys play each other twice, so it may pad their win column.
ReplyDeleteBut the same goes for the Bucs and Pansies. SOMEBODY has to lose.
ReplyDelete