DOORMAT DIVISION: WEEK 12 WRAP-UP And BRAWL

DURING STREET FIGHT, FOOTBALL GAME BREAKS OUT

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 12

NFC              W-L        PF       PA       DIFF

Santa Clara    2-9        239     293       -54

Arizona         2-9         155     293       -138
NY Giants      3-8         237     288       -51

Tampa Bay    4-7         294     338       -44

Detroit          4-7         238     286       -48

Atlanta          4-7        280     307        -27     
  

AFC              W-L        PF       PA       DIFF

Oakland         2-9        187     327      -140

NY Jets          3-8        221     281      -60

Jacksonville   3-8        197     243      -46

Buffalo          4-7        161     272      -111

Cleveland      4-6-1     253     283      -30

JAGS 21, BILLS 24

Locked in a 14-14 third quarter scrum in what was purportedly a football game, the Jacksonville Gaguars pulled out all the stops yesterday when it mattered most. Just after scoring what appeared to be the go-ahed TD, the Jags needed something, anything, to stop this slide towards a victory against the team they played in the ugliest NFL playoff game of all time back in January. It's no small issue to determine who has faded with more force, and yesterday, they had to act.

It's literally a no-brainer to start a brawl when you appear to have scored a TD at the pylon. Brilliant assessment by Gags RB Justin Fournette, who raced all the way across the field to start trading punches with a person in full pads. Hey! You outta the game! 

Once the fake grass pellets settled, the beer was poured on a head or two, and round two finished up in the tunnel, the TD was nullified by replay.  Then the Gags went to work on Billls 1-yard line:

1st down:  Carlos Hyde for 1-yard loss.  

2nd down at Bills 7 : FALSE START.  

2nd down at Bills 7:  TD...nullified by holding.

2nd down at Bills 17:  Bortles scramble for 1 yard

3rd down at Bills 16:  Bortles sacked for 8-yard loss.

4th down at Bills 24:  Missed field goal sliced left by J. Lambo from 42.

Is that art or what?! Jacksonville has now lost 7 straight, rocket past the Bills in the Doormat standings and now just have to find the grit and guts to keep this trash can of chaos rolling for 5 more games, and hope the Raiders and Jets somehow win a game.  The Jags beat the Jets in week 4 (their last victory), so they can't settle for a tie with them.

TANKERS 17, RAVENS 34

Oakland is a major port on the west coast.  This team has earned the right to be called the TANKERS.  To be fair, the Tankers kept themselves in the game, deepening the suspense of when they'd do the dirty deed. All this despite getting plowed over to the tune of 242 yards rushing by the Raven-Poes, giving up a punt return for a TD and not turning ball ov- wait a minute.  When the chips were down, QB Derek Carr comes up with the fummmmmmble and the Ravens run it in for the final nail in the coffin with 2:20 left in the game. Could the Tankers be any worse?  Of course!  Tune in next week- they play the CHIEFS.

49ERS 9, BUCCANEERS 27
Now that Ryan Fitzpatrick is on the sidelines, the Bucs are unlikely to challenge for the Moldy Carpet. But the 49ers are right there. Starting the train wreck on Saturday with kicking knuckleheaded domestic violence boob Reuben Foster off the team, after he gave his girlfriend a concussion- in TAMPA at the team hotel- the 49ers got out on the field and showed all the evidence of a team that has no idea what the finkle to expect next.

The rest of the Whinos schedule looks like 5 straight losses to me, unless the San Andreas fault opens up and swallows Los Angeles, Santa Clara, and Seattle.

BROWNS 35, BENGALS 20
One game away from tying the all-time record for consecutive road losses (26, Detroit), the Bosses of Blank pulled into Cincinnati and pounded the Bengals in this week's Doormat Upset. Whoa that had to feel good. When was the last time the Browns beat the Bengals in Cincy? Your mom was still wearing army boots. Play of the day was tight end David Njoku catching a Baker Mayfield pass at the Bengal 10, trying to vault into the end zone from the 5 (way too far out),and then getting carried into the end zone by a scrum of Browns linemen. He didn't touch down until it was a touchdown. You really gotta love the Browns.
4-6-1 never looked so good. 

LIONS 16, BEARS 23
The city of Detroit can always count on a Turkey on the table and on their TV set every Thanksgiving. Whenever they wear the Blank Helmets, it's kinda..obvious.

The Bears vault to 8-3, and officially can't have a losing record, causing their official ADIOS BRO-CHA-CHO from The Basement with 5 games left on the schedule.
They were 5-11 last year, and 3-13 in 2016.  So, get off our patio.

JETS 13, PATRIOTS 27
Just
Endure 
The 
Suffering

GIANTS 22, EAGLES 25
It was a real nail-biter, but the Giants got back to losing,  Blowing a 19-3 lead and ending it by scraping an Eagle's FG over the cross-bar with :25 seconds left to kick the Eagles off our patio and tell them to stop pretending to be so damn bad. That was some serious Doormat pride. Watch and learn.

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK
CARDINALS 10, CHARGERS 45
The Cards inched out to a 10-0 lead in the first quarter, and then- AVALANCHE!  The Chargers found 414 yards all to themselves, 30 first downs, and 178 yards rushing, along with oodles of time for Philip Rivers to throw the ol' pigskin around the yard, going 28 for 29 and setting the record for most consecutive completed passes- 25 to 'start' the game.
Cruds 2-9 and still on the 49ers heels.  Good luck, guys.  The competition is stiff.  In fact...check for a pulse, there.

HONORABLE CHEESE MENTION:
The Cheesemen from Green Bay keep trying, but the Falcons lost again yesterday, so the Packers yet again don't make our standings and must wait out on the patio.  They ARE two games under .500, so they are so, so very close.  Hang in there, Wisconsin, we hear you knockin'.

aaaaAAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!!