Doormat Division 2011: WEEK II Preview!

The Carolina Pansies unveil their new O-line.

It’s only week two, but we’ve got some pivotal games coming up:

WEEK II PREVIEW

GAME OF THE WEEK

BROWNIES at DOLTS

That’s Cleveland and Indianapolis, to you rubes. If the Dolts have any pretense of being real Doormat material, this is the game to show what their made of. If you can’t lose to Cleveland, you aren’t really going to challenge for the Moldy Carpet. The Brownies- all they gotta do is lose the first two, and the fan base knows exactly what kind of a season it’s going to be. Another Mistake by the Lake. Edge- Brownies (because they’ve been there before and don’t really seem to be leaving).

Please note that if a team has the EDGE, that’s the EDGE to get the LOSS. Remember where you are- firmly in the basement.

STIFFS OF THE WEEK

BUNGLES at DONKEYS

This has one touchdown written all over it. Donkeys have Kyle Orton at QB, and Bungles have the secret weapon- Bruce Gradkowski. EDGE: Donkeys

OR

CRUDINALS at DEADSKINS

Crudinals defensive secondary still 5 orange cones and a cheerleader, so more likely a one-sided puntfest. Few first downs, but some huge plays for the Deadskins.

EDGE: The Crud

OR

LAMBS at GIANTS Monday night

This could be an incredible stiff. Worst Monday night game in a while. EDGE: LAMBS

BLOWOUTS OF THE WEAK

PACKERS at PANSIES

I don’t care if Cam Newton threw for 900 yards against Arizona. I could throw for 300 against them. Pansies come down to earth and get back to the business of losing all over the field. EDGE and a Huge CLIFF: Pansies

CHEAPS at KITTENS

Enter the Kat Box at your own risk. Well, that's kinda true at all times, but...Detroit moves the ball so fast, the chain crew has been on endurance training all week. Ever seen 3 guys running down the street connected by a chain? You have? You need to move. Cheaps go for loss number two, and Kittens continue floating up toward the light. EDGE: CHEAPS

SEAHAGS at STEELERS

Steelers get humiliated in Baltimore in Week I. Seahags won’t get humiliated…they’re to used to this! BIG EDGE: Seahags

TEXANS at FLOPPERS

Geez another potential BLOOWWWWWWW OUUUUUTTTTTT!!!!

Miami can’t cover a slice of bread, let alone the Texans firepower. Ka-BLAM!!

EDGE: Floppers

PUT UP OR SHUT UP

COWPIES at 0-for-9ers

Well, the old rivalry is renewed. No Roger Staubach or Troy Aikman. No Joe Montana or Steve Young. Instead we have Romo and Smith. Romo good for at least two totally bone head throws, usually in the 4^th quarter during losing time, and Smith just tries to keep it under 120 yards. Done and Done! Niners have a defense, so this one could really be the lowest scoring game of the week. Both of these teams trying desperately to climb out of the 10-loss club. One of them will make it. EDGE: Cowpies

RAYDURZ at NILS

This game is truly the ADIOS BRO-CHA-CHOS game. Raydurz went 8-8 last year, and the Nils just stampeded over the Cheaps last week. Both of these teams could leave the Doormat Division, and the early season is full of hope, if not baloney. If Seabass can kick 5 field goals from 60 yards, they got a chance to get the WIN. Otherwise…..EDGE: RAYDURZ

JUST PLAIN BAD

BUMS at YIKINGS

Wow this should be a terrible game. The Bums are getting better. The Yikes don’t know what that is. EDGE: YIKINGS.

aaaaAAAAAAAAAAnd that's the view from the BASEMENT!!