DOORMATS IN THE PLAYOFFS

Wait, you say, isn’t the run to the Moldy Carpet over, except for the Strat-o-Matic vibrating football game on Feb. 6^th?? Yes!

But we’ve got 3 ex-doormats in the playoffs, and a very recent Doormat, so let’s take a quick check of their mettle.

EX-DOORMATS in the Playoffs!

Remember, the team with the best chance to LOSE has the EDGE.

Detroit Lions (10-6)

Flipping their record from last year, 6-10, the Kittens have transformed the Kat Box into a winner’s circle, winning every game at home…unless a team with a winning record showed up. The Lions, for all their fun offense,and some flashy defense, did not beat a team that finished with a winning record this year. How much of an indictment is that? Only 11 teams even finished with a winning record this year (compared with 13 last year and 15 in 2009), so FINDING a team in the black was a bit of an adventure. At this rate, next year there will only be 9 teams with a winning record…that may not be possible. But the gravitational pull of the Doormat is obviously increasing every year, so something’s gotta give. To be fair, the Bears, Raiders and Cowboys did have winning records when they played the Lions- but they didn’t after! The Lions were 5-0 when they played the infamous ‘Handshake’ game against the 49ers, and it’s a shame they’ll both have to make the NFC Champeenship to have a rematch. Both teams played like crazed animals the whole time. No wonder Harbaugh gave Lions coach a body bump and forearm shiver afterwards. The Lions lost that one and then lost to Atlanta, and in both games had moments where their composure was toast.

Shaking the Doormat Tendency

The Lions can surrender an awful lot of points, so being one year removed from the 10 Club still shows, and their penchant for knucklehead penalties at truly inopportune moments is going to bite them in the ass in New Orleans if they don’t watch it. Typical behavior of teams that just exited the Doormat and are inexperienced in the playoffs is the coaches allow the players to get too high emotionally, they over-pursue, they make late hits, and they keep trying to make toughness statements that have nothing to do with executing their plays. Watch for the Lions to make all these mistakes in the early going. Doing that against the Saints will be a really bad idea. It could be 21-0 by the end of the first quarter. So, their only hope is to somehow play smart in the first quarter, and match firepower with the Saints for the whole game. TALL ORDER.

The Saints and Lions have the #2 and #4 offenses in the league, but the Lions have #29 running game. Only the Packers can get away with that. It’s going to kill the Lions. This should be a Lu-Lu of a game. EDGE: LIONS

San Francisco 49ers (13-3)

The Niners also were 10 Club members last year (6-10) and shocked the whole league with their turn-around, even keeping Doghouse QB Alex Smith and turning him into a reliable QB who doesn’t fumble or throw interceptions. He also has come through with big plays at crucial moments.

The Niners are not pretty. They pretty much still play like a Doormat team, but have honed it into a fine art. They have the WORST 3^rd down conversion rate of any playoff team, including Denver, and that’s really saying something. Their offense is 2 first downs and an extremely long field goal attempt, or a punt.

What are they Doing Right?

Their aces in the hole, in fact, are punter Andy Lee and kicker David Akers. Lee can boot a 60 yard punt, and make it stop dead at the 2 when it finally hits earth. He averaged 50.1 yards for the season, with an all-time NFL record of 43.99 yards net average. He’s uncanny. Akers has been money all year, setting franchise records for most points and most field goals, and a TD pass, and consistently hitting from 50 yards or more. So, the special teams are NOT doormat anymore, a huge difference between going 6-10 and 13-3. On offense, the 49ers tied the NFL record for fewest interceptions (5) and least turnovers in a season, 10, matched only once (the Pats) since 1941. They haven’t allowed a point scored off a turnover since week 6 against Detroit. That’s nuts. Add to this the 49ers have a defense that gives up a few first downs, but turns into a WALL at their own 40, and you have a team that plays what people call ‘old-school’- field position football. So, they get away with having a team that is lucky to score 2 touchdowns in a game. Until now.

The 49ers will most likely be playing the Saints next week, and they will need to score 24 to 31 points to win that game. They can’t do 3 field goals and a touchdown (Doormat offense). They get to play at home no matter what, and avoiding the Super Dome is crucial. So, to win, they have to hold the Saints to under 24 points. It happened when the Saints lost to the Rams (!!!!!), 31-21, and when they beat the Titans 22-17. So, it’s not COMPLETELY unlikely. If anybody can do it, the 49ers can. But it’s scoring the points that may be just too hard to do.

Advice to Saints, stunt and blitz right up the middle all day. Alex Smith is short, throws a low trajectory, and can’t see over the line, and has to bail out of the pocket sooner as a result. John Harbaugh taught little brother a lesson back on Nov. 24^th when the Ravens crushed the 49ers 16-6, sacking Smith 9 times. That’s your defensive game plan…hire the Ravens.

DENVER BRONCOS (8-8)

Ah, now we get to our Doormat representative. Last year’s AFC Doormat Champ with a 4-12 record, the Broncos take advantage of the bumbling ‘who’s a bigger loser’ AFC West and squeak into the playoffs for a…HOME GAME against Pittsburgh. They don’t have a losing record, but 8-8 isn’t winning, so I’m not going to criticize too much. The team with the worst QB rating in the league (composite) stumbles into the playoffs after losing their last 3 games. Their defense, which is what keeps them in position to win a game with Tebow heroics at the end, disappeared the last 3 weeks, though they held the Cheaps to 7 last week. The Cheaps probably handled that all on their own, but we’ll let it slide. The Buncos are a bigger mirage than the Bungles, and….ah, geez I just can’t do it. They way they won all those games during their win streak, I can’t count them out.

Ben Rothlisberger, the toughest QB in the league, limps into Denver and better watch out, because if the Broncos can bring the D like they did during their win streak, it’s going to be trouble. The Steelers are banged up. Broncos poised to pull off similar upset like Seahags over Saints last year.

Say it isn’t so. EDGE: even.

CINCINATTI BENGALS 9-7

The team Carson Palmer refused to play for (and didn’t that work out nicely for Carson) backs into the playoffs! The Bungles, just one year removed from going 4-12 and tying for the AFC Doormat Crown, will attempt to play error-free football in Houston, where they are trying out the water boy for QB. He will wear a Gatorade bucket for a helmet. He’s got ice in his veins. The Texans are wobbling seriously, and if the Bengals can keep the Bunglonian Fog back in Cincy for this one, the defense will keep them in the game. These guys, like all Cincy teams, teeter on respectability every game. They can look great, and look just like last year. This is the Yo-Yo team, going 9-7, then 4-12, 10-6, then 2-14. They do it by the week, too. The inconsistency is going to kill them.

BUNGLES lose in Houston. EDGE: BUNGLES