DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 6: PARITY PARTY

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS

WEEK 6

AFC

KANSAS CITY        1-5        -79

CLEVELAND          1-5        -29

JACKSONVILLE    1-4        -73

OAKLAND              1-4        -61

TENNESSEE           2-4        -90

NFC

NEW ORLEANS     1-4       -13

CAROLINA             1-4       -33

DALLAS                  2-3       -25

DETROIT                 2-3      -11

TAMPA BAY          2-3      +19

It's a real dogfight in the AFC, as 4 teams still only have one victory, and right now only Cleveland looks like they are losing the losing touch.

There were FOUR interceptions returned for TDs yesterday (pick-six)!   Who knows what would have happened if Blaine Gabbert and the Jaguars had been playing.  Brett Favre's all-time record of 32.3 is still safe, though.  How do you get a third  of a pick-six?

THE GAMES

BROWNS 34, BENGALS 24

BROWNS WIN!  BROWNS WIN! Twice a year they play the Paul Brown memorial game, and you never know who is going to win this one.  But we picked the Browns this time, and the Bungles obliged!  29-year-old rookie Brandon Weeden throws 2 TD passes and just one INT.  Bungles QB Andy Dalton throws 3 and the killer Pick-Six in the 4th quarter that pretty much iced the game.   Brownies snap their 11-game losing streak, which tied the franchise record.  Brownies fall out of first in the AFC Doormat.    

BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK

BUCCANEERS 38, CHIEFS 10

Stick a fork in 'em-  they're done!   Cheaps QB Brady Quinn steps in for the injured Matt Cassell and has a Stiff of the Week kind of day-  2 INTS, one Pick-Six and no touchdowns.  The Cheaps only TD was on a hilarious fumble return off a botched punt at the Bucs own 11.   The Cheaps are so bad they managed to get completely blown out by the Bootineers.   Solidly in 1st place in the AFC,  and if the other teams don't get their mojo out of town soon, they won't keep pace with KC.   Bucs drop to 5th in the NFC Doormat (2-3) and have a gaudy +19 points.   This is the Blowout of the Week, because it's one Doormat just thrashing another, but let's face it-  the NY Giants pummeling the 49er 26-3 was the unmatched beat-down of Week 6.

DOLPHINS 17,  RAMS 14

As close as we're going to get to a Stiff-of-the-Week this week, the Lambs rack up 462 yards of offense and LOSE.  The 12 perfectly timed bone-head penalties really helped offset the fireworks.   The Floppers, by contrast, 'pile up' 192 yards of offense, with a stunning 12 on the ground, scrape up 12 first downs and WIN the game.   Miami pulls to 3-3 in the parity party that is the AFC East (all 3-3).

SNATCHING DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY!!

FALCONS 23, RAIDERS 20

What's that, you say?  It's a Carson Palmer Bengals jersey, torched in a Cincinnati backyard a couple years ago.  Yesterday,  Palmer may have burned his own jersey.  Driving towards the go-ahead FG or touchdown late in the game yesterday, on the verge of pulling off the biggest upset in the league this year, Palmer throws the dagger Pick-Six to Asante Samuel- a 79 yard return to paydirt.  Palmer then tied the game with a brilliant drive, only to have the Raydur defense lie down and guide the Falcons down the field for the game winning FG as time expired.   Raydurz 1-4 and they must now focus on being the worst, because being even mediocre is going to be a lotta work.

THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE

LIONS 26, EAGLES 23 (OT)

The Lions may be bad, but the Eagles can pull out the bad and stink up their own stadium better than anybody on any given day.   Michael "Fumbles" Vick loses another one on the carpet and cashes in 2 INTs.  The Lions set the season record so far for penalties with an incredible 16 for 132 yards. That's going to be hard to top.  But they WON.  Kittens fall out of 3-way tie for 1st.   Andy Reid on the hottest hot seat in the NFL.  

JETS 35,  COLTS 9

Dolts (2-3) get back under .500 with a flurry of turnovers (4).  Andrew Luck finds out what getting blown out feels like.

The rest of the Division went golfing (Aints, Gaguars, Pansies).

NFL WORST STATS WEEK 6

Points:           3         49ers (and they're lucky they got that)

first downs:   12       Dolphins

Yards:           192     Dolphins 

Rush:            12       Dolphins

Pass:             141     Bills

Turnovers     4         Colts, Bengals

INT               3        49ers,  Bengals

fumbles lost   2        Colts

sacked:          5        Cardinals

least sacks:    0        Buccaneers (as in, defense)

punts:           8         Browns,  Bills

penalties:     16- 132   LIONS

time of poss:   19:57   Ravens

     

 AAAAAAND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!