SCAMPERNICKED!!!
The San Francisco 49ers, in the midst of a phenomenal drive to win the Doormat crown and take the Moldy Carpet Trophy, have made a bold move:
They've benched Colin Kaepernick in favor of famous Doormat QB Blaine Gabbert.
49er coach Jim Tomsula was quoted as saying "We're getting some quality losses with Kaeperstink..I'm sorry Kamperdink...wait- look, he's been doing the job, but there's been no flair to it, we haven't had any multiple interception games in three weeks and not a single sack-fumble-returned for a TD all season. It's just not exciting losing. We think Blaine can take us to a new level."
And why not? Blaine Gabbert has distinguished himself in the Doormat Division as a man that can throw an interception, and especially drop the pigskin at a crucial point in any losing cause.
His career stats speak for themselves:
With the Jags:
40 sacks and 14 fumbles in 2011alone.
24 interceptions vs 23 TD passes- 3 year career.
Sadly, Blaine could not deliver a Moldy Carpet trophy in Jacksonville in his three years there- but he was right there twice.
He was hampered by coaches who really just weren't bad enough. That problem has been eliminated.
Now, a historic opportunity is staring him right in the face.
This man could pick up right where Kaep has left off and start fumbling his way to glory immediately. It's chancy, for sure, as Kaepernick has proven his mettle for melt-down repeatedly this year. Why break it if it isn't fixed? But, you know, the game is for the fans, and we think Blaine will definitely start throwing balls to just about every part of the field that contains defenders. It's going to be a wild ride in Frisco!!
-wacko
WOW ! This could eclipse the Singletary era in a way previously un-thinkable. although I doubt sKapernink will moon the new starting QB at half time after a couple of fumbles occur, the term "going for broke" does come to mind. Good Luck Whiners! and lets see the Red Whole expand to the other side of the stadium !
ReplyDeleteIt's exciting. Gabbert had his chances in Jacksonville but could not bring home the Mold. His time is now.
ReplyDeletesince Gabbert basically threw all his passes on check-downs to tight ends in Jacksonville, trading Vernon Davis yesterday was incredibly shrewd.
ReplyDeleteand now whisenhunt is out as coach of the titanics. Do we have any stats on success rates of teams after firing coach mid season?
ReplyDeleteOh, Hell, it's often trouble for teams that are really at the bottom- they often rally and win a game or two. It upsets the whole chemistry they've so carefully crafted. How did they ever win that first game so convincingly, anyway? Well, it WAS the Bucs. but 42-14 is the real true proof that ANYBODY can win game 1.
ReplyDeleteMany years ago there was a 1B (Wally Pipp) for the Yankees who got sick and missed a start or two and was replaced by Lou Gehrig, who of course became the starter. For years afterwards whenever this happened to another ballplayer, you got "WallyPipped" if you lost your job being injured, etc.
ReplyDeleteFast forward to today's NFL, and if a starter is replaced by a journeyman getting a second chance, maybe the phrase "kaepernicked" will become part of the nomenclature.
That one's in my vocabulary now.
DeleteThat one's in my vocabulary now.
DeleteThe Niners are taking no chances and are squarely aiming for the Moldy Carpet. They bench Skamperdunk and trade Vernon Davis, Colin's most vocal critic. Bench the guy who stinks up the throws and trade the guy who can catch them. Broncos should be happy. Davis is great on the short routes and Manning is having trouble hitting anyone more than three yards over the line of scrimmage.
ReplyDeleteit will be interesting to see if he performs at all for them. I believe he will find some spark, but I think he might be kind of mailing it in, now. He's a guy with a lot of different interests, and I think maybe football no longer seems very important to him. Just going through the motions. BUT, get traded to a team that is kicking butt always changes things.
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