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| Blaine Gabbert responds to news he will be starting for the Whiners against the Failcons. |
Here we are, doormat denizens, at the witching hour of the season: mid-season that is, and maybe midnight for some teams. This is the week when the hexes, omens, tea leaves, spells, all settle in like a row of crooked tombstones in an old hags lower jaw.
Who will be wearing cement overshoes after this weekend, ready to be shoved off the side of a small boat on the Wabash River? Clearly, these teams have no season left, and that means they have a shot at Doormat glory:
Tennessee Titanics
Cleveland Brownies
Dallas Cowpies
Detroit Kittens
San Francisco Whiners
It is this Oracle's prediction that one of these teams will be the winner of the Moldy Carpet.
And, of course, there are those other teams floating like tea leaves on the surface of the NFL season, ready to sink into another nightmare for the fans:
Buffalo Nils
Baltimore Cravens
Houston Toxins
Jacksonville Gaguars
Kansas City Cheeps
San Diego Retreaters
Philadelphia Pheebles
Chicago Da Bares
Tampa Bay Bootineers
Washington Deadskins
Indianapolis Dolts
Wow, there are a lot of bad teams. Keep an eye on these doormats, any one of them could make a move and streak to the bottom.
But for this weekend, who is going to lose big? The Oracle from the Basement predicts:
Brownies- 17
Bungles- 23
(Battle for Ohio, Brownies buck up, get close)
Deadskins- 8
Patriots- 63
Titans- 9
Ain'ts- 36
Floppers- 24
Nils- 23
Gaguars- 17
Nyets- 28
Gnats- 32
Bootineers- 12
Failcons- 24
Whiners- 0
Pheebles- 21
Cowpies- 10
Da'Bares- 13
Retreaters- 21
Broncos- 36 (4 rushing TDs)
Dolts- 28
(This could actually go to the Dolts, Broncos due for a loss, and Dolts due to play some decent football.)
good predictions !! Did you spin the bottle or are you just thinking this stuff up your own? 2 games are up for grabs this week, Nils vs Floppers, and Pheebles vs cowpies. actually let me take that back. no way cowpies win with either back up QB.
ReplyDeleteSo lets go with saints almost losing to titanic, - it goes to overtime.
I am putting my TV to Deadskins vs Pats just because I like the way opposites attract. or repel in the case of the point totals of each team.
4 Doormats have the week off: Cravens, Kittens, Cheaps, Toxins. Keep an eye on their games next week. True Doormats come out of byes with a hangover and no mojo. 3 of them won their games last Sunday. Means nothing, except maybe they'll be even less prepared. Chiefs are the only exception, as I think they will play better the rest of the season.
ReplyDeleteChicago-San Diego might be the marquee game of the week. Philip Rivers can rack up more yards and still lose better than anyone not named Eli Manning. Pheebles and Cowpies is the big test for Dallas- prove to us that even a division rival can't stop you. Failcons play down to the opposition so often, you start to wonder if that won't become permanent. Forty-Whiners will have their work cut out for themselves to lose this one as handily as the other four.
ReplyDeleteNeither team has an defense. Could be a doormat shootout with a bizarre finish. Might be the sneaky good game of yhe week.
Deleteyou mean Bears-Charbroilers?
DeleteYeth, Bears-Charbroilers.
Deleteother FIVE losses, I meant.
ReplyDelete