Doormats Hit Home Stretch in NFL Week 16

Whoa, is it Sunday already? (Stumbling banging sounds.) Who turned out the basement lights? Where's the remote? Why didn't somone wake me up? Good grief, everything was fine on Wednesday. I was just finishing my 123rd rum ball and washing it down with Kahlua and warm IPA and that was about it. It must have been the potato chips. Did I really miss Christmas? Oh? I didn't? Uh, do I need to apologize to anyone? I need some water and a stack of flapjacks.

But first, with only minutes left before Sweet 16 Sunday kicks off, here are the Oracle's game predictions. I guess we ate all the turkey so we will have to spin a bottle of Andre Champagne....

The Games That Really Matter in the Moldy Carpet Run (at least one team has 10 losses)

San Francisco (4-10)- 13

Detroit (5-9) - 34

Dallas (4-10)- 15

Buffalo (6-8)- 23

Pittsburgh (9-5)- 27

Baltimore (4-10)- 24

Cleveland (3-11)- 9

Kansas City (9-5)- 28

Tennessee (3-10)- 13

Houston (7-7)- 17

Chargers (3-11)- 20 

Oakland (6-8)- 23 

(OK this game already happened, but that's the score I would have guessed)

And the rest of the sorry pile (as Wacko likes to say)

Washington (7-7)- 35

Eagles (6-8)- 23

(OK, they already played this game too, but I would have guessed that score. Washington is going to find its way out of the basement for the next 5-10 years. Philadelphia probably will too but not with Chip),

Indianapolis (6-8)- 21

Miami (5-9)- 24

Chicago (5-9)- 10

Tampa Bay (6-8)- 30

New Orleans (5-9)- 36

Jacksonville (5-9)- 28

(This should be a great game, doormats or no.)

St. Louis (6-8)- 17

Seattle (9-5)- 14

(Upset in the Emerald City! But Hawks will go on to be in Super Bowl)

New York Giants (6-8)- 21

Minnesota (9-5)- 24

(I don't know if I can really believe the spinning bottle on this one. Giants are often gian killers.)

When the dust clears and the bottles are taken back to the store, we will have a clearer picture of who will be our Doormat champs in the NFC and AFC. It's getting down to the wire here, fans, and the wire is pretty low, so expect to see some teams get decapitated this week.

Doormat denizens, enjoy the fumble fest!