WEEK 16 WRAP-UP AND GIANT WOOKIE PUNT into SPACE

ONE MORE WEEK TO GO TO MOLDY GLORY

THIS IS GOING TO BE BRIEF, GUYS, AS I'M ON THE RU- I mean, I'm on the road, and only stopping to switch cars and log in on anonymous wi-fi in places that look like they shouldn't even HAVE wi-fi.  It's snowing, that's all I can say.

NFC

The league-leading 49ers brought home the bacon from the Kat Boxx yesterday, playing for one half, and then shutting it all down and pouring some fresh kitty litter for the Lions.  Niners get plastered 32-17.  Probably more of them got plastered later, as well, police report at 11.

The Cowboys still kept pace, though, laying down an egg the size of Lake Erie up in Buffalo.  It was a field goal contest until the only touchdown of the game finally flopped across the goal line for the Bills in the 4th quarter.

NEXT WEEK:  Niners entertain the Rams, and should find a way to lose that one, but Rams-Niners games, though not nearly the rivalry they once were, are completely unpredictable.  The Cows finish up at home with the Redskinks and, unless divine intervention occurs, will lose and lose handily.  The pilot of my getaway pla- I mean, our plane to our vacation spot- asked if there were any Cowboy fans on board, and if he got a majority he'd get us there faster, and to give a cheer for a winning season next year.  That's when I stuck a loaded salami in his face and told him he was very mixed up about what the Cows were playing for, and there was a championship on the line and don't go messing it up.

AFC

The Browns and Titanics are in an epic struggle.  The Titanics are back, trying for a Doormat feat seldom achieved- the Moldy Carpet Trophy two years running.  The Titans got absolutely shellacked by the Texans, 34-6, fumbling it away three times, throwing an interception and still finding time to punt 9 times.  That's INCREDIBLE.  

The Brownies were in a dangerous one with the Chiefs, who still confuse any viewer as to whether they are watching a playoff team or one of the boring-est Doormat teams to ever put on a pair of shiny pants.  The Chiefs lost in every category except the one that counts- points.  Browns stage futile comeback in the second half, but artfully came up short.

NEXT WEEEK:  Browns finish up at home against a Steeler team scraping to make the playoffs, after their phenomenal stumble against the Cravens yesterday. Browns might get excited to be a spoiler and spoil everything.  Titans face off against the very challenging Colts in Indianapolis. The Clots beat Miami yesterday, and that was no piece of cake. Losing to the Colts will be a tough one, but I think the Titanics are up for the challenge.
As bad as the Colts have been, they can still win the AFC South.

Uh,oh..sirens...I gotta log off and hit the road.  I'll be back in the Basement this weekend, with a stocked fridge of Burgie, Busch, and the Green Death. And probably with a car that is not the car idling out in the diner parking lot right now.


DOORMAT STANDINGS, WEEK 15

NFC

                  W-L          PF-PA              PD

Whiners      4-11          219 - 371       -

Cows          4-11          252 - 340       -

Kittens        6-9           334 - 380        -

Ain’ts         6-9            388 - 459       -

daBares      6-9            315 - 373       -

Lambs        7-8            264 - 311       -

AFC

                  W-L          PF-PA            PD

Browns      3-12           266 - 404      -

Titanics      3-12          275 - 393      -

Chargers    4-11           300 - 371      -

Cravens      5-10          312 - 377      -

Floppers     5-10          290 - 379      -

Gaguars      5-10          370 - 418      -


aaaAAAAnd THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!!