RAMS-NINERS DO IT THE RIGHT WAY

NOW, THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT!!

RAMS 41, 49ERS 39

The NFL season is 3 weeks old, nearly, and the Los Angeles Rams have delivered potent offense in 2 of their three games.  Last night, they graciously invited the Santa Clara 49ers to join them in a wild, Doormat shootout at Levi's stadium. WHAT A GAME. Combining shaky defenses with crafty young coaches brimming with cool offensive ideas, and numerous mistakes with a lotta hutzpah makes for a potentially wild game. We got one.

Thursday Night Football requires teams to wear the ugliest Division II style of uniforms possible.  The Rams won this round with the all-yellow ensemble. But, they played like a couple crazy Div. II teams, so HEY.

The game started perfectly-  Whiners QB Brian Hoyer throws a first play interception- directly at the defender- and sets up the Rams at the 2 yard-line.  TD, Rams!  Then the Rams held the 49ers for a quick three and ou- but WAIT, a penalty gives the Whines new life and they ZOOM down the field and score. 7-7.  First touchdown of the year! Somebody alert the empty seats!

The Whiners kick off to the Lambs, and get a simple 3 and ou- but WAIT,  49er penalty gives the Rams NEW LIFE and they whip down the field and SCORE.  14-7.  Doormat excellence!

The Rams, though they have no defense, do have guys who can fall on a ball. The Whiners complied with a deft fumble on the next series, making another short field, and the Lambos kick a field goal.  17-7.

Finally, the Norty-finers take it upon themselves to just play bad, and punt, but not so fast, pal, as the Rams receiver fumbllllllllles the punt and the Whiners take over at the Ram 12. Undaunted,  the Red and Gold (ok, black and red) put it in reverse and back it up to 3rd and 18 and drop a perfectly thrown ball in the process.
Whiners hold it to a FIELD GOAL.   17-10, Rams.

Unbelievably, the Whiners offense holds on the next series, and the Lambs PUNT.  You won't see that guy for 3 quarters. Whines respond on their series with a penalty, a sack, and 3rd and 17.  Undaunted, the Lambs find the 49ers a first down and follow it up with 12 men on the field!  But the Whiners pull off a sack, and....they still wobble one over the uprights for another field goal. 17-13, Rams.

With slightly over 2 minutes to go before half-time, the Niners get blinded by the yellow uniforms, and initiate their 2-minute penalty drill, the refs start throwing yellow flags and next thing you know Todd Gurley has scored his 3rd touchdown for the Lambinis.   BOOM.  24-13, Rams.

HALFTIME.  
At this point, one felt that the wheels were going to come off the 49er wagon, and the Rams would eventually win 40-13.  But as Buzz Lightyear once said: NOT TODAY.

3rd Quarter-
Rams open with a really juicy BOMB from Jared Goff to Willie Mays impersonator Sammy Watkins, the 49ers toss in an interference call after that, the Rams land at the 2 yard line, get scared, back it up the field, and kick a field goal, desperately trying to not get so dang far ahead.  27-13, Rams.

Whew. The Rams counter this defensive collapse by the Whines with their own, engineering open spaces for the entire field, timing a roughing the passer penalty perfectly, and the Whiners romp down the field as if they were the Patriots and Carlos Hyde blasts into the end zone from 1 yard out.  27-20, Rams.

At this point, you realize that nobody is punting, you better not change the channel, and it's pretty much a pick-up game at the park.  With really huge guys playing.

And, on cue, the 49ers counter with their own missing defense, multiple penalties, and the Rams find themselves stumbling into the end zone with Sammy Watkins takin it in on a pass from 1 yard out.  34-20, RAMS.

4th QUARTER
UNDAUNTED, the gassed LA defense gets burned for a huge sky-rocket bomb from Hoyer to Goodwin all the way down the field and before you can get annoyed by the Rams fans behind you and start a fight, the Whiners SCORE AGAIN.  Hey!  I'm supposed to be incredibly bored here!  Why are we standing up? These are the NINERS we're talking about.  But, just so you don't get too cocky, 49er placekicker Robbie Gold shanks the extra point.  34-26, LAMBS.

At this point, I think the entire starting lineup for the 49er defense is injured, and God knows who was in those suits out there. They were dropping like toddlers on an uphill hike, and you forgot the candy. The Lambs coast down the field, capping it with Watkin's second TD catch, and picking up maybe a possible concussion.  When are guys going to stop leading with their helmets?  Maybe when they go back to using leather helmets. 41- 26, RAMS.

Momentarily finding their Doormat acumen, the Whines drop a couple passes and PUNT, only their second of the game.  The Rams then counter with another PUNT.  Take that! It began to look like the fuel was on empty, and then everybody started to head for the exits...even those that never arrived in the first place.

And they missed this:  Another 50 yard bomb from Hoyer, this time to Pierre Garcon.  He was NOT open.  He just caught it anyway.  That Lamb defense is something to behold!  The Niners score again, possibly using up all their touchdowns for the next 7 games, and pull to 41-33 with 5:08 left.

Now on a mission, the Rams fumble the kickoff and the unsuspecting Niners fall on it.  Stunned all around, they take 8 plays to go 29 yards, score the TD....and miss the two point conversion.  41-39.

The ensuing onside kickoff bounces off a 49er helmet and the Whines recover!  LOOK OUT, you might WIN, Whiners! Now comes the part, if you are a Niner fan, you hate.  They get a first down that would have put them in field goal range, and the receiver gets hit with an offensive pass interference call, on a really dubious minor arm-push-off. In our Doormat world, we appreciate the killer penalty, but no ref should call something that ticky-tack at the end of a game when the competition is really high. And that was your ballgame. Now at 3rd and 20, Hoyer finally gets sacked by Rams DE Aaron Donald, who was in Hoyer's grill all night.

Game Over.  Hilarious, great Doormat game. These two teams, if they ever find a defense, will not remain Doormat members for much longer. But remember, these offenses look a lot better when these two teams play each other.  The Rams could achieve Parity this year.  The 49ers won't, but, please keep playing like that, guys.  At least against the other shaky defenses.  Doormat Ball the way it should be played.

Whiners 0-3 and have lost 9 straight home games (O-fer Niners), dating all the way back to last year's home opener against these same Rams.

aaaAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!!!!