XMAS GIFTS FOR THE DOORMAT IN YOUR FAMILY

Looking for just the right gift?

Nothing says 'sliding into the Basement' more than this tasteful (really, it's kinda neat) Cleveland Browns tree ornament.    $6.36

It sure beats a plain orange bulb ornament.     

Or, perhaps this 4-pack of Texan Tobaggans, which, as you know, are way harder to steer than a sled, and pretty much guaranteed to go into any ditch.    $11.16

And, of course,  the classic FOAM FINGER.   Now with added hook at other end, so finger points downward.   Not pictured here is the new " we're #32" finger (now in stock).  $7.96

Or perhaps, for the Redskins fan in your family, this handsome plaque, that, considering the circumstances, seems more like a jail sentence than a cheery sentiment, but what do we know.  $20

Or this useful toothbrush.... to get that bad taste out of your mouth every Monday morning.  $6

Or why not go all out?  If you're going to hell in a hand basket, like the Falcons, you might as well make it a really nice hand basket.  And let's face it,  fringe steps in where others fear to tread.  $390

AND then, of course, the always classic DOORMAT.  Like, duh. 

Wipe your feet, every day, on your team.   $35     

AW, let's face it.  Misery doesn't want cheap expensive gifts.  Misery needs a stiff drink.  And your Doormat Denizen on your gift list has more misery than you can shake a bottle of Jagermeister at.  So fire up the pickup, inflate the tire, snag the open bottle from behind the seat, and get on down to the cheapest, most run-down dump of a liquor store in your area and stock up.  Even if it's gotta be diet root beer egg nog.  

HAPPY HOLIDAZE FROM THE BASEMENT!