NFL DOORMAT WEEK 9 PREVIEW

Could it really be Week 9 already?  We're almost out of the 35 pound bag of chips from Costco, so I guess so.

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS (WEEK EIGHT)
 

NFC              W-L              PF       PA      DIFF 

Tampa Bay     1-6               133       223      -90       

Atlanta            2-6               192       221      -29

St. Louis         2-5               136       210      -74 

Minnesota       3-5               139      173       -34

Chicago          3-5               180      222       -42  

Washington    3-5                171      200      -29

AFC                              

Oakland          0-7                105      181     - 76

Jacksonville    1-7                118      218      -100

NY Jets           1-6                144      228      -84

Tennessee       2-6                137      202      -65

Texans            4-4                185      166      +19

I've been letting Walkfish do the predictions, but this week we need some set-up:

WASHINGTON (3-5) at MINNESOTA (3-5)
The Yikes absorbed a win at the hands of the Bucs last week, and this week another Skidrow denizen hoves into view at TCF Bank stadium in Minneapolis.  In another battle of 3rd string QBs (though at this point 3rd string means 'starter' in Viking lore), somebody will have the dreaded two-game winning streak, unless they can eke out a tie.  There is a slight chance RGB III-P-O may play OR add another initial to his name.

The Deadskins will continue the all-out blitz technique, Terry Bridgewater will not know what hit him, and the Yikes will get back on the losing end of things.  I'm going out on a limb, because the 'Skins got the big upset last week, and Doormats almost always lose BIG the week after an upset.
EDGE TO LOSE:  VIKINGS

OAKLAND (0-7)  at SEATTLE (4-3)
The Seahawks may not be last year's team, but neither are the Silver and Blacked Out.  Raiders in a walk.  Literally.  Don't get too excited, though, 13 straight losses is only half-way to the all-time record.
EDGE TO LOSE:  RAIDERS

TAMPA BAY (1-6) at CLEVELAND (4-3)
Yes, that's right children, it's mid-season and the Blank Helmets have a winning record.  Of course, playing Doormat leaders in the NFC and now the AFC isn't helping.  As bad as the Brownies are still capable of playing, they are no match for the depth of planning that the Bucs will bring to this one.
The Bucs will punt the Browns blind.
EDGE TO LOSE:  BUCS

NY JETS (1-7) at KANSAS CITY (4-3)
The Nyets took it to another level last week, and probably won't be able to be that bad, but they still have more of a lot less than the Chiefs have, who have too much of what the Jets do not have, which is football players.  Jets within one game of the Raiders, on a seven-game losing jag.  This is no time to slip up.
EDGE TO LOSE:  JETS

JACKSONVILLE (1-7) at CINCINNATI (4-2-1)
The Gags keep fielding some decent play at the line of scrimmage, with the line play on both sides of the ball improving every week. Go beyond those lines and it's Doormat supreme. The Gags hit the -100 point differential last week, the first team to do it. The Bungles can play down to anybody, so this goes blowout only if the Jags take the bull by the horns of the dilemma and go in there and blow the whole thing themselves. They did last week.
EDGE to LOSE:  JAGUARS

ST. LOUIS (2-5) at SAN FRANCISCO (4-3)
Who will show up for this game?  The thrill-seeking upset-minded Davids, or the machine-like precision loser Lambs?  Hard to say when these old rivals meet, even though many San Franciscans now know that the Lambs are no longer in Los Angeles.  But the talking heads keep telling us this is a rivalry, so it's hard to know how to take this game.  The Lambs will take it- right on the chin.
EDGE to LOSE:   RAMS

THE NFC SOUTH vs ANYBODY
Not a single team in the NFC South has a winning record.  The Division 'leaders,'  New Orleans (3-4) and Carolina (3-4-1), face off tonight in yet another Thursday Night Doormat Applicant Game.  Keep an eye on this division- it's only mid-season, but I see potential for a division winner with a losing record.

Tennessee, Atlanta and Chicago all have the week off.  The Falcons will need the extra week to prepare for the Buccaneers if they want to have any hope of losing that one and getting into first in the Doormat NFC.

-wacko