DOORMAT DIVISION: WEEK 7 WRAP-UP AND FAKE PUNT!

ONLY ONE UN-VICTORIOUS TEAM LEFT.  DOORMAT MASTERPIECES ABOUND.

JAGUARS 24,  BLANK HELMETS 6
The Jags....WIN??  The Brownies come storming back into the Basement with a complete turkey. After their big "we're not a Doormat anymore" game against Pittsburgh, Cleveland arrives in Jax in a generous mood.  No running game (69 yards).  13 first downs. Losing the ball TWICE in their own red zone, both times setting up the Jags for  'drives' at the 2-yard line. Jags cash in both times for TDs.  It's not like the Gags weren't in losing form- they punted EIGHT times, threw three interceptions, do almost nothing on offense...and WIN THE GAME!  Actually, the Blank Helmets got the Jags 185 yards rushing.  Jags fall from the bottom-feeding depths of the un-victorious and now have to hope the Raiders somehow, some way win a game.  Gags win for first time in 10 months. They can cross 'get one win' off their bucket list now.

RAIDERS 13, CARDINALS 24
It was a victory of sorts.  The Raydurz held the Cards under 30 points!  3 games in a row of holding opponents under 30.  Let's celebrate!  Plus, they are now the last un-victorious team in the entire NFL.  0-6 and heading into...Cleveland, a Doormat quagmire.  But, since the Silver and Blacked Out really don't have a defense (Cards converted 60% of 3rd downs), the Browns will rebound from their afternoon of the Jaguar juggernaut and bury the Raiders.  Raydurz have now lost 12 in a row.  Longest losing streak in the league.

RAMS 28, SEAHAWKS 26
Lambs pull off best fake punt reception I have ever seen....in fact, I don't know if I've ever seen one before that.  Great 'deke' football play. That was hilarious, and anything that brings out the 'Disbelief' look on Pete Carrol's mug is worth a thousand punts.  Go Lambs.

TITANICS 17,  REDSKINS 19
This was definitely one of those "no YOU take it" games. The Titanics make Washington 3rd-string QB Colt McCoy, who started the 2nd half, look like an all-star as they narrowly escape D.C. with the loss, avoiding the dreaded two game winning streak in the Basement.  Fantastic last-minute defensive collapse gets Deadskins in field goal range for a chip shot with no time remaining.

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK SEVEN
 

NFC              W-L              PF       PA      DIFF 

Tampa Bay     1-5               120       204      -84

Washington    2-5                151      183      -32        

Minnesota       2-5               120      160       -40

Atlanta            2-5               171      199       -28

St. Louis         2-4               129       176      -47   

AFC                              

Oakland          0-6                92        158     - 66

Jacksonville    1-6                105      191      -86

NY Jets           1-5                121      185      -64

Tennessee       2-5                121      172      -51

Texans            3-4                155      150      +5

VIKINGS 16,  BILLS 17
Minnesota- your 'bounce back from a defeat' assistant!  4 of 5 Yiking defeats have been 'bounce-back' victories for their opponents.  The Yikes are a confidence-building team! Despite 4 expert turnovers by the Bills, and both teams starting their 3rd string QBs, Yikings QB Terry Bridgewater delivers 2 interceptions and the Vikes just refuse to put away the Bills. Leading 13-10, the Vikes engineer a backward drive from the Bills 7-yard line, narrowly making a FG from the 33. 16-10.  Finally the Yikes defense opened up the shipping lanes for the Bills' last drive and Bills QB Kyle Orton- yes KYLE ORTON- takes Buffalo in for the score, as time expired, unmolested by any Norse gods or men in purple.  11 sacks, 15 penalties, 6 turnovers, 11 punts.  What a day.

BENGALS 0, COLTS 27
Just when I though nobody cared about punts anymore, the Bungles- fresh off their tie game where they missed the winning FG as time expired in OT- boot a franchise record-tying 11!!  8 first downs and 135 total yards! Yes! After starting 3-0, the Bungles have gone into a steep descent, and are hanging around on our patio, now, huddled by the grill.  I better go shoo them off, they still have a winning record.  Lose two more, okay?

FALCONS 7, COLTS 29
I see the Failcons are adding lack of offense to their already hard-won abominable D.  The Flacs are terrible.  Things HAVE NOT changed.  9 games to go to run the table, but they have to play Tampa Bay one more time, so going 2-14 might be tough.   3-13 looks entirely possible.

SAINTS 23, LIONS 24
Do the Saints have what it takes to be a 10-Club member (10 losses on the year)?  These last-second defeats are starting to look pretty professional.  12 penalties for 134 yards!  2-4 AIN'T chopped liver.

TEXANS (4-2)  at STEELERS (3-3)
Right now, there are only FOUR AFC teams with losing records. That's not right. Something's GOTTA GIVE.  The Shower Curtain got it going last week with their embarrassment in Cleveland.  If they can maintain their lack of stamina and focus,  we'll have FIVE losers.

JETS 25,  PATRIOTS 27  (last Thursday)
Jets almost slip up and win, but keep within game of the Raiders for AFC bragging rights.


aaaAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!