The Doormat Division: Week 5 Preview

Lose Now or Go Home!

And, by go home we mean the Parity Division, where all teams that can't get an identity end up.
A whole flotilla of teams are 1-3, two are 0-4, and by the end of play on Monday, at least 6 teams can start to really duke it out for the Moldy Carpet.  The Dark Horse who goes on the 8-game losing streak, though, who dat?

Big Weekend coming up, let's get to the games:

VIKINGS 10, PACKERS 42
The Yikes kick off the weekend with the kind of shellacking that makes one set up a new barcalounger here in the Basement.  Wow! I'll bet you forgot the Vikings still had secret weapon Christian Ponder down there in 3rd-string QB Canyon.  It's A-LIVE!!!!   Sandwiched between Ponder and Matt Cassell, I think they'll get rookie QB Teddy Bridgewater schooled up properly before his ankle heals.

STEELERS (2-2) at JAGUARS (0-4)
There's a new pot-bellied, tired ol' footballer on the block, and after the shellacking the Pirates just absorbed over in baseball land the Steelers will rebound for the smoky city!  Right?  Actually, I don't think so.  Steelers have almost zero defense.  Jags have rookie QB who just doesn't get-know-understand what the Men of Teal mean to Jacksonville and football.  Jags shock the home fans and win a game, ruining their plan to go 0-16.
EDGE TO LOSE:  STEELERS (Shower Curtain?)

RAIDERS (0-4) at NOBODY
The worst team the in the NFL promotes Tony Soprano to coach the team, and the Silver and Blacked Out wrestle with ghosts for the next week. But don't worry, they'll be ready next week for anything, real or imagined.  The Chargers will be real enough.

JETS (1-3) at CHARGERS  
Only chance Jets have of not snagging the loss here is if the Chargers go Baja (like they do here and there) and play like they are at one of those swim-up bars. But, Jets can't bench Geno Smith, it's just too good to believe.  No more Parity for the Jets! Begone, mediocrity.
EDGE TO LOSE:  JETS

BEARS at PANTHERS (2-2)
This is the big test for Carolina.  Are they really falling apart, can they let Matt Forte rack up 150 yards, will we get a goooood close up of Cam Newton, who really doesn't deserve this, looking like he wishes he were 22 men, instead of 1?  Sez here Cam wills his team to victory, but this might be the last time.
Edge to lose:  BEARS

BROWNS (1-2) at TITANS (1-3)
Anything could happen. King James could get in the game.  Usually, Doormat teams coming off a bye have the bigger hangover than opponents.  Not this time.  Browns win.
Edge to lose:  TITANICS

RAMS (1-2) at EAGLES 
Well, the Eagles are over-rated.  The Rams aren't.
Edge to lose:  LAMBS

FALCONS at GIANTS
Both these teams are 2-2.  I refuse to acknowledge them.  You Parity division posers.  I will, say, though, that the Falcons look like they may get last year's mojo back.  That was a real beauty last week, getting pounded by the Vikes, who just got pounded by the Pack. Where does that put Atlanta, in the pounding chart?
EDGE TO LOSE:  last second INT wins it.  Flip a coin.  I'm going with Atlanta.

BUCS (1-3)  at SAINTS (1-3)
Here's a doozy.  The Steelers showed the Bucs can be had last week,  as long as you believe you've already won the game before you go on the field.  Saints, unfortunately, will do no such thing, and I'll have to put my Ain'ts bag back in the dresser.  Saints win big.  Bucs bring too broad an attack of inexperience for the Saints to handle.
EDGE TO LOSE:  BOOTINEERS

TEXANS (3-1) at DALLAS (3-1)
Watch this battle of Texas closely, because, after this, one of these teams won't win another game for 8 weeks. Guess who.

SEAHAWKS at DEADSKINS (1-3)
Awful lot of 1-3 teams hanging around.  Deadskins have to get beat worse than the Vikes just did, to maintain cred in the NFC basement. They'll get it done.
EDGE TO LOSE:  DEADSKINS

aaaaAAAAAAAnd that's the view from the BASEMENT!