WEEK 6 WRAP-UP and NO CIGAR!!

BROWNS EXIT BASEMENT. STOP.  RAIDERS PLAY LIKE FOOTBALL TEAM, SEND FANS INTO DELIRIUM. STOP. GAGS AND TITANICS PLAY EPIC EPIC EPICAC STRUGGLE. STOP.  BUCS PLAY SO BADLY THAT JAWS DROP AS FAR AWAY AS KAMCHATKA. STOP. JETS MAY BE UNSTOPPABLE. STOP. 

and now, a short except of a song I heard last night, which said it all for our Doormat Brethren here in the Basement:

THE REMINDER SONG
by Shaina Taub
Now preachers and teachers and scholarly brains
Have tried to provide some ways to explain why shit can go so badly
Well I've had a helping or two of the blues
I go back for seconds and thirds cause I choose 

to stomach sorrow gladly
For I have a theory that might sound crass
And to that hypothesis I raise a glass

Here's to the chaos
The sacred mundane
Three cheers for agony
A toast to the pain
Hats off to everything that leaves a scar For reminding me who my friends are.

And with that, on to:

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS WEEK SIX
 

NFC             W-L              PF       PA      DIFF 

Tampa Bay     1-5              120       204      -84

St. Louis         1-3               84        119      -35 

Washington    1-5               132      166      -34        

Minnesota       2-4              104      143       -39

Atlanta           2-4               164      170       -6

         

AFC                              

Jacksonville    0-6               81       185      -104

Oakland         0-5                79       134      - 55

Tennessee      2-4                104     153      -49

NY Jets          1-4               96        158      -62

Miami            2-3               120       124      -4

JAGUARS 14, TITANS 16
The much anticipated epic battle between two Basement Bombers!  The Gags got 27 first downs, but overcame that with a couple well placed turnovers and racking up their own QB for six sacks.  Jags make it close with last minute desperation TD but can't get the on-side kick and whew that was close.  Titanics are close but....no cigar.

BROWNIES 31,  STEELERS 10
In a starkly obvious changing-of-the-guard moment, the Cleveland Browns get our unofficial ADIOS BRO-CHA-CHOS send off from the basement.  Pulverizing the hated Pittsburgh Steelers, and doing it in commanding fashion, at home, was a moment of glory in Cleveland, and the joy in the stands was off the hook.  They have to get past 8 victories to really, truly exit the basement, so hold on.  But Blank Helmet football has a new meaning in the NFL.  They're gonna blank YOU.

BUCCANEERS 17,  RAVENS 48
This game was over so fast, Bucs fans were still loading their toy cannons in the backyard and it was already 28-0 Ravens.  In a blinding display of Johnny Depp Defense, the Bootineers ensure that Florida has the worst teams in AFC and the NFC for another week.  I'm still disappointed in the lack of punting this year, with 6 being a common high number.  Where are the 8 or 9 punt games?  Boots have some work to do.  Especially since next week is Minnesota and they still have Washington on the schedule, they could slip up and win again.

No it's never gonna, never gonna end, no, no, no 
No it's never gonna, never gonna end, no, no, no 
Not the mis'ry nor the company, my friend
So fill each other's cupAnd never give it up

VIKINGS 3,  LIONS 17Rookie QB Terry Bridgewater throws three laser point interceptions and they punt 7 times. And they're playing outside and it's going to get really really really cold.  This is what I'm talking about.  Thank you, Yikings.

RAIDERS 28, CHARGERS 31New coach Tony Sporano injects some brains and will into the previous hapless Raiders, and they come out swingin'.  The offense looked nothing like it has in the previous 4 losses. However, it's plain the Raider defense would gladly give up 50 points if the offense would just go 3 and out.  I watched this one, and they played valiantly in defeat.  It was an old-fashioned AFL wild one. BENGALS 37,  PANTHERS 37Parity Division miracle.  But, now they can't go 8-8, so it's unclear what this achieves for anybody.
Now they gotta go for ANOTHER tie.

JETS 17, BRONCOS 31

Jets are terrible. And that's why they're gonna be on Thursday Night Doormat this week!!

Cause here's to the hopin' 
When odds are a joke 
Three cheers for foolish dreams 
When everything's broke

Hats off to every 'close, but no cigar' 

Here's to the chaos

The sacred mundane
Three cheers for agony
A toast to the pain
Hats off to everything that leaves a scar For reminding me who my friends are.

Keep reminding me who my friends are


-The Reminder Song
by Shaina Taub

AAAAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!