Doormat Goliaths Meet in NFL Week 10

The matchup of the season is this Sunday as the New York Giants (Gnats) stumble into 501 Stadium in San Pasadena Frisco to tilt with the San Francisco 49ers (Whiners) for an afternoon of shocking ineptitude. This may be the game no one wants to see, but for us doormat fans, it doesn't get any better. Fire up the grill, get out the hot dogs, and crack open the warm beer. It's gonna be a long, glorious Sunday afternoon of fumbles, punts, picks, dropped passes, and missed blocks.

If the Gnats can manufacture a good loss on SF's home turf, they will suddenly be tied for first in the NFC doormat standings. This is one of the best flops in recent memory. But, if Whiners can continue their indomitable badness, it could put the bottom of the NFC out of reach for everyone.

Who will win? Let's dive head first into the stats (watch out for those shallow rocks):

D-Yards per play: SF, 5.4-NYG, 5.8
O-Yards per play: SF, 4.7-NYG, 4.9
First Downs allowed: SF, 208-NYG, 165
Penalty yards: SF, 569-NYG, 466
Turnovers: SF 14-NYG, 10
Offensive Inefficiency: SF, 43.76-NYG, 41.66
Punts: SF, 52-NYG, 46
Avg. time of possession per drive: SF, 2:16-NYG, 2:21 (worst two in NFL)
O-EXP: SF, -71.25-NYG, -31.59
D-EXP: SF, -62.14, NYG, -44.06
Combined EXP: SF, -133.39-NYG, -75.65

Well, that's a pile of numbers, and they add up to...I don't know what. One interesting note, based on TOP, there should be 27 drives (wow), 10 three-and-outs, and 13 punts. Both teams average a 1.3 points per drive (with SF .2 percent better). That should result in a total combined game score of 17 points. What a fabulously fruitless, mind numbing time it will be in Button Your Own Pants stadium.

Now, SF does have the edge in 9 of 11 categories. So this Oracle is leaning to the Whiners. I will say 10-7.

And now for the rest of the predictions. This week we go not by spinning turkeys, but combined EXP. By the way, tonights lousy game with Arizona and Seattle will result in at least one of them with their nose pressed against the doormat cave sliding glass patio door. We won't let either in!

Packers (-14.6)- 21
Bears (-32.8)- 12

Browns (-74.9)- 10
Lions (-1.22) - 36

Steelers (70.15)- 28
Colts (-134.39)- 9

Jets (-23.9)- 16
Buccaneers (-33.93) 13

Giants (-75.65)- 10
49ers (-133.39)- 7

Patriots (7)- 24
Broncos (-14.44)- 13

Dolphins (-78.11)- 16
Panthers (22.85)- 27

Bengals (-34.18)- 6
Titans (-15.8)- 12

The Oracle has spoken!

NFL WEEK 9 WORST STATS

NFL WEEK 9 WORST STATS

PACKERS 17, LIONS 30
The Pack opened the game with rookie QB Brett Hundley steering swaggering snappy drive right down the field to the Lion's 20, which stalled, and then with a brand new long snapper looking at everything upside down from between his legs, rolled the ball to the holder, and they muffed the field goal. The Lions responded by scoring a TD.  And...that was it. The score looks closer than it was.  That piece of pie didn't really look that big. Sure, I'll have just one more cup of coffee.  

***************

Though the Bengals just about run the table for worst everything this week,  note the Seahawks 16 penalties for 138 yards.  That's almost the golden mean of 150 (1.5 football fields) for negative yardage.  Add in their sacked total of 8 yards, and they come in at a tidy 146.  
The Bills and Jets both gave up 5 first downs on penalties, totaling nearly 25% of the total number of first downs for the game.  GOOD LORD.  
OFFENSE
Points: 7                        Bengals
First Downs:  8              Bengals

Total Yards:  148           Bengals
Rushing Yds:  29           Bengals (noticing a trend?)
Passing:  119                 Bengals
QB Rating:  23              BUCS (Winston)
3rd Down Conv:  1-8     Bungles
4th Down Conv:  0-2     49ers, Packers
Red Zone Conv: 1-4     Jags
Turnovers:  3                Giants, Bills (all New York!)
INT:   2                          Giants, Ravens, Seahawks
Fumbles/lost:  3/3         Bills
Sacked:  6/54               Washington
Fumble six given:  1     Eagles, Colts
Pick-six given: 0

Blocked Punt for TD:    1    BUCS

DEFENSE:
Points:  51                 Giants, Broncos
Total Yards: 473         Giants
Pass yards: 353         Packers
Rush Yards: 201        Falcons  (Broncos 197; Bills 194)
No Sacks:   0             Giants, Bengals       
Penalties for first downs:  5   Bills and Jets (SAME GAME)
3rd Down Conv. allowed:  8-13   Packers;  8-15, Dolphins;  8-16 Giants

MISC:
Punts: 8             49ers, Texans, Washington
Penalties:  16/138          Seahawks  (season high)

Total Penalties:  23        Seahags-Wash;   21 Raiders-Dolphins 
Time of Poss:  19:36      Bengals

aaaaAAAAANd that's the View From the Basement!!

WEEK 9 WRAP-UP and ADIOS BRO-CHA-CHOS!!

O-fer-Niners!

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS, WEEK NINE

NFC

                                  W-L          PF        PA      DIF

SANTA CLARA         0-9           143      239     -96

NY GIANTS               1-7           129      207     -78

TAMPA BAY              2-6           158      198     -40

CHICAGO                 3-5            134     171     -37

DETROIT                  3-4            176     169     +7

AFC

                                  W-L          PF        PA      DIF

CLEVELAND             0-8          119      202      -83
INDIANAPOLIS         3-5          162      260      -98

CINCINNATI              3-5          129      158      -29

DENVER                    3-5          150     198       -48

LA CHARGERS         3-5          150     152       -2

HOUSTON                 3-5           229     208       +21

TOP OF THE HEAP

49ERS 10, CARDINALS 20

You know, if you look at Whiner QB C.J. Beathard's name right, it all makes sense. 

 Separate the 't' and the 'h' and you get 5 sacks, 16 hits, flurries of hurries and...new QB acquisition Jimmy "Chisel Chin" Garoppolo got a real close look at the 49er offensive strategy yesterday, and what really must have impressed him was, even though Beat-hard is a human punching bag, when he does get time to throw, he has a wide array of receivers ready to drop any pass thrown, any time, however accurate. These guys are wearing clown gloves. But, really, when the O-line is so porous that the ineffective running back blocking gets to shine almost every play, why would you even EXPECT to get a pass thrown anywhere near you?  It's just a lot to ask.

The O-fer-Niners are now the first team to 0-9, as the Browns could not keep pace yesterday, because they weren't allowed on a field. Enjoy it while you can, Whine-boys, because next week the NY Giants (1-7), come to the Most Expensive Empty Stadium in football, and, believe you-me, the Giants are not leaving until they get another loss in the bag. BE THERE.

BLOW OUT OF THE WEAK and ADIOS BRO-CHA-CHOS!

GIANTS 17,  RAMS 51
What a two-fer!  Giants coach Ben McAdoo craftily suspended top DB (Janoris Jenkins) this week and the team responded by getting Ram's QB Jared Goff career highs in yards (311) and TDs (4). The rest of the team picked up on the spirit of the thing, and got Jimmy Hoffa'd (buried in their own stadium) 51-17.  Last time they got shellacked like that? 52-21 in 1964 against the...Cleveland Browns, the last time the Browns won a game. Or so it seems. This game was truly a changing of the guard.

Now, please rise and remove your Doormat Team cap of your choice, raise a dented can of your favorite minty beverage and give a lusty cheer for the exit of one our longest standing members, The LOS ANGELES LAMBS!  Holy God of Mercy, they're GONE. Without a winning season since 2003, the Lambs have the blue and white helmets back on, and look...they look great. They're having fun, and there are tears of joy in the stands.  Though only 6-2, and the requisite is you have to guarantee an minimum 8-8 finish, these guys are not coming back this year.  Adios, Bro-Cha-Chos!

THE OTHER BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK

BRONCOS 23, EAGLES 51
Well, here's your second half of the season team that won't be anywhere near a mile-high in altitude any time soon.  The Chargers may have a rough time finishing last in their own division, at this rate.  The Buncos are now in rotating mediocre QB mode. Spinning slowly in the Rocky Mountain breeze....brr.

TEXANS 14, COLTS 20
The Indiapopolopolis Colts, supposedly the worst team in the league, now have 3 victories, and are 3 whole games behind the Browns for the AFC Doormat crown.  The Moldy Carpet Trophy...fading hopes.  Now that starting Texan QB Deshaun Watson is on the sideline, the Toxins don't have to listen to fan complaints about how they aren't using him right. They can toss someone far less talented out there and get back to losing to anybody on any given Sunday. Watch for the Texans to finish lower on the totem pole than the Colts in the AFC South.

OHIO PRIDE

BENGALS 7, JAGUARS 23
Well, if the Browns aren't playing, an Ohio team has to pick up the Orange Banner, and wave it...vigorously.  And open the windows, whew!   8 first downs, 148 total yards, 7 punts, multiple fights, a couple chokeholds and our FIRST team under 20 minutes possession time this year - 19:46!!!  It was way messier than a Browns loss, but not everyone can be so professional. Way to step UP, Bungles!

BUCCANEERS 10, SAINTS 30
The Bucs (2-6) brought their fascinating train wreck to the Big Easy yesterday, and I hope their fans found a good oyster po' boy sandwich somewhere in town, and a decent mint julep with an excellent shot of bourbon in it. The Bucs though, man they looked like they had 7 or 8 Hurricanes the night before, each with a more absurd straw as the night wore on. Oh well, another bunch of green horn tourists that can't find a real jazz club OR the end zone. Put it in a go-cup and head back to Florida.

DOLPHINS 24, RAIDERS 27
During this game last night the red phone rang, and it was, of course, our Commissioner on the line. He had a few thoughts:  1) Raiders receiver Amari Cooper, who apparently can't catch a pass, but can catch a grounder (onside kick), should switch over to playing SS for the A's. After all, he's familiar with the infield.  2) The Raiders have talent, but no focus.  They may yet still be with us in the Basement come January.  3) Can we find out how many penalties the Raiders have in their playbook?  4) Miami is not much of anything but an opponent every Sunday.

And, there you have it- the goal of half the league in the NFL is to be...an opponent on Sunday. Might as well wear hideous all-teal uniforms and live in Parity, because once the playoffs show up, your best shot is to be that team that 'has no business' being in the playoffs. But you see- they DO. They represent the majority interest in the league (and, often the Doormat Division as well), and deserve a seat at the table in January, however brief. They are the fatted calf of the playoffs!  Sacrifice is the spice of life.

TONIGHT:  LIONS AT PACKERS
The Porkers have had a whole week off to dis-prepare for this entry attempt into our league. Let's see what they can not do tonight against the often-accommodating Kittens, another team teetering on making the Bears relevant. The NFC North, the division bent on making the Vikings winners.


aaaAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!!!!

NFL Doormat Week 9 Predictions and Top Tank Candidates

Basking in the glory of a great World Series, the Oracle from the Basement (me) passed out on the barcalounger, a can of beer in his hand, and missed the first doormat game of the week. It was the sound of my beer can bouncing on the floor that woke me up, just in time for the game wrap on the flickering CRT screen we call the TV around here in the Doormat Cave. “What? The Jets won? Are you kidding me?”

Hey, I just gave up on the Bills losing games and now they really do lose. My teams are ruining my season! The Jets had no business winning that game, though they have shown a tendency to hang around in games this season. Not exactly easy to put away. They probably won’t tank.

And speaking of tanking, we all know who the AFC and NFC Doormat winners will be: SF and Cleveland (unless the Giants and the Colts run the table and SF and Cleveland manage to win three games). But the big question now, at midseason, is which doormats are poised to tank?

Here are our doormats with their offensive, defensive, and combined EXP ratings at week 8 (sorted by combined). EXP shows how close to the average team they will be at the end of the season. So a -50 offensive EXP means that team will score 50 fewer points than the average NFL team. A defensive EXP is the opposite, how many points they will give up compared to the average team. A negative number is doormat territory in both categories.

DOORMAT EXP STATS

TEAM	O-EXP	D-EXP	COMB
IND	-62	-75	-137
SF	-51	-66	-117
MIA	-72	-3	-75
CLE	-57	-17	-74
OAK	12	-60	-48
NYG	-27	-19	-46
CHI	-49	17	-32
TEN	-17	-5	-22
DET	-42	24	-18
CIN	-36	18	-18
AZ	-32	18	-14
TB	27	-33	-6
NE	98	-92	6
CAR	-18	36	18
BAL	-51	70	19
DNV	-36	56	20
LAC	37	-7	30

(Note that division leader and Super Bowl favorite New England is on this list. They have the third best O-EXP but the worst—by far-D-EXP; that has got to bite them at some point.)

Based on this data, we can be sure that SF and Cleveland will stay on the bottom, but Indianapolis, with combined EXP of -137 is poised for a historic run to the deeper bottom, and Detroit, Oakland, New York Giants, Miami, Tampa Bay and Chicago could also put pressure on the bottom. Just like a black hole, the gravity of defeat gets so bad it warps space around it.

There are some teams on this list that have decent records and may even have a shot at a playoff spot. Of these teams, the Oracle predicts the following will lose at least 5 of the last 8 games of the season: Tennessee, Baltimore, Carolina, and Denver. Patriots will lose three (Buffalo on the road, Pittsburgh, and New York Jets.).

Chargers, Arizona, NYJ and Texans are going to be over .500 in the second half.

But now for the Week 9 NFL Predictions:

Cardinals- 28

Niners- 10

Raiders- 28

Dolphins- 27

Bengals- 10

Jaguars- 24

Buccaneers- 21

Saints- 33

Rams- 42

Giants- 16

Broncos- 14

Eagles- 36

Ravens- 15

Tennessee- 21

Lions- 17

Packers- 21

Colts- 9

Texans- 17

The Oracle has spoken!

NFL WEEK 8 WORST STATS

NFL WEEK 8 WORST STATS

Lions 0-5 in the red zone, 2-12 on third down, and 0-2 on 4th down.  Impressive.

OFFENSE
Points:  0                       Dolphins
First Downs:  13            Dolphins

Total Yards:  196           Dolphins
Rushing Yds:  33           Seahawks
Passing:  121                 Ravens
QB Rating:  43.5            Broncos (Simian)
3rd Down Conv:  3-15   49ers (3-13, Ravens; 2-12 Lions, Chiefs)
4th Down Conv:  0-2      Lions, Dolphins
Red Zone Conv: 0-5      Lions  
Turnovers:  5                 Broncos
INT:   3                           Broncos, Texans
Fumbles/lost:  4/2          Falcons, Bengals, Redskins.  2/2  Browns, Saints, Broncos
Sacked:  5-35                Texans
Fumble six given:  1       Dolphins, Raiders
Pick-six given: 2             Dolphins (Moore)


DEFENSE:
Points:  41                     Texans
Total Yards: 509             Seahawks
Pass yards: 446            Texans
Rush Yards: 177           Chiefs  (174, Dolphins)
No Sacks:   0                 Bucs, Raiders, Bills, Bengals
Penalties for first downs:  3   Dolphins, 49ers, Lions, Texans
3rd Down Conv. allowed:  3-5, Browns;  8-16 Bengals; 7-14 Lions; 9-19 Chargers

MISC:
Punts: 8             49ers, Dolphins
Penalties:  10/120        Seahawks;  11/95  Bills
Time of Poss:  22:08    Browns

-wacko

WEEK 8 MID-SEASON WRAP-UP

CRAZY EIGHTS!

Franchise Glory for 49ers, 

Just plain Blanks for the Blank Helmets

DOORMAT DIVISION STANDINGS, WEEK EIGHT

NFC

                                  W-L          PF        PA      DIF

SANTA CLARA         0-8           133      219     -86

NY GIANTS               1-6           112      156     -44

TAMPA BAY              2-5           148      168     -20

CHICAGO                 3-5            134     171     -37

ARIZONA                  3-4            119     191     -72

AFC

                                  W-L          PF        PA      DIF

CLEVELAND             0-8          119      202      -83
INDIANAPOLIS         2-5          142      246     -104

NY JETS                    3-5          157      186     -29
RRRAIDERS             3-5           169      190    -21
CINCINNATI              3-4           122      135    -13

LONDON CALLING!

BROWNS 16, VIKINGS 33

At 6:30 a.m. yesterday morning, I stuck my head out of the sleeping bag and fumbled in the dark for the remote, scattered somewhere on the green shag carpet, rolled over on the duct-tape sofa, and tuned in this Spotted Dick of a game.  I felt like a toad-in-the-hole, all right, but I had a job to do.  This was the BROWNS in LONDON.

Now that it was evident, even in the off-season, that the Jaguars, London's favorite lousy team, were going to climb out of the Basement to Parity glory, the booking office in London had to line up a new Doormat to stumble into Wembley stadium and put a packed house of football fans wearing just about every NFL jersey except the ones the teams on the field are wearing into a stupor.  And who better to carry the Banner of Bad but the Browns?  Nobody, that's who. 

Two, weeks ago, we pleaded with the Browns to change their name- and we've got it.  The Three-and-outs! The Blank Helmets can get rid of footballs so fast, the defense doesn't actually make it to the Gatorade table to get a decent glass of sherry (things are different in London) before they hear that familiar sound of a football being kicked sky high- FOOMP! Get back on the field! 

Despite this artful method of wearing out their defense until it turns to orange sawdust every game, the 3-and-Outs were in a battle yesterday, as the Vikings were game to lose one in Jolly old England. They handed over the ball on the first possession and, shocked by the development, the Browns scored immediately. Wow!  But they pulled themselves together and missed the extra point, saving face.

After a measly field goal and a hard half of 3 and outs and punts, both teams inexplicably put together successful plays and SCORED TOUCHDOWNS. The Vikings fought back with their own missed extra point, at least giving anybody not watching the impression that it was nearly an all-field-goal kind of game. Somehow, the Browns were ahead, 13-12.  

But, good old half-time- the moment when Doormat teams pull themselves together- arrived!  The Brownouts, the Blank Helmets, the 3-and-outs...they united as a team, and did this after the break:  fumble, give up FG, missed field goal, field goal (whoops!), give up TD (payback), punt, Give up another TD, punt, punt (all 3 and outs!), downs, and...END OF GAME.  

The 3-and-Outs have arrived at 0-8, and look unstoppable.  The Moldy Carpet Trophy...they can almost smell it.  I can.  It's over there by the washing machine (it doesn't work).

49ers 10, EAGLES 33

Let's not get carried away.  Back in the states, the Whiners already knew the results in London, and wasted no time in Philly, racing out to a 0-17 deficit by halftime, and it might as well have been 34-0, with the kind of performance coughed up in the City of Brotherly Booing (honest, the Niners were getting booed in Philly).  Even with 5 punts and an interception, the Whines could only fall behind by 9 points midway through the 2nd quarter.  But the Niners know how to break the dam open, and right after the Eagles first TD, rookie QB C.J. Beathard pulled off a pick-six and got the Eagles up 17-0 for halftime. The usual halftime rally was unnecessary for this one, and it was an easy coast the rest of the way.  8 punts for the 49ers, the most in the league yesterday.

The Whiners are now 0-8 for the first time in franchise history, besting the 1-7 start by Bill Walsh's 1979 squad. So, Coach Kyle Shanahan has already surpassed the legendary Walsh on one score. Clearly an indicator of great things to come. Cough.

CAN SOMEONE LOOK UP IF THERE HAVE EVER BEEN TWO 0-8 TEAMS?  

This is a really difficult stat to look up, but I honestly can't remember ever seeing this.

THE REST OF THE SORRY PILE  

COLTS 23, BENGALS 24

Locked in an incredible struggle for second place in the Doormat AFC, the Clots and Bungles duked it out for 53 minutes, until Colts QB Jacoby Brisset cashed in a pick six at his own 16 to nail down the loss. Stunning to think the Clots are thought to be the worst team in the league, but are 2 whole games behind the Brown-and-Outs. They just can't get any respect.

MIAMI 0, BALTIMORE 40 (Thursday)

Absurdly 4-2 before this game, we now know why the Floppers fans were booing so hard for Jay Cutler to get the heck off the field, and let Matt Moore show his qualities. TWO PICK SIXES and a Fumble-six in his own end zone. 21 points from your QB, and no points scored. WOW!!  Fins still could lose 10 games, if Cutler can just stay out of the way (pretty amazing sentence, huh?).

BUCS 3, PANTHERS 17

When you have your first winning season (9-7) for the first time in 6 years, the fans like to assume that next year you'll win even more...11-5!  We'll be champions soon!  Ah, optimism. I guess it works for some people.  Doormat teams poke their heads above ground, see the glare of the sun, and come scuttling back to the Barcalounger and stale chips in the Basement.  Bucs 2-5 and looking very familiar.

JETS 20, FALCONS 25

Here come the Jets.  3-5 and lowering expectations all over New Jersey.

BEARS 12, SAINTS 20

Yeah, sure the Bears are terrible. I say PROVE IT.  Here come the Packers next week, with no Aaron Rodgers.  Lose handily to these guys and we'll consider writing you up.

RETURNING VETERANS:

There really is only so much room in the Basement on any given Sunday.  The elbowing into the rumpus room by the Lions (Kittens) and the Rrrrrrraiiii....ders is really kind of party crashing, and we thought...I don't know what we thought. At 3-4, the Kittens have to stay outside on the Patio by the grill, monitor the coffee pot and try not to burn their weenies. But, with that totally shaky defense and turnover machine offense on display yesterday, the Raiders...we had to let them inside. 3-5 and in last place in the AFC West, we award them a stool at the mini-bar. Geez, guys, just don't eat ALL the chips.  

aaaAAAAAAAnd THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!!!!

49ers Consider Not Bothering to Win, oh, and NFL Predictions Week 8

Yes, that's right, the SF Chronicle and NY Daily News are both reporting that the SF 49ers sent a survey to fans (presumably ticket holders) and one of the questions was, "In terms of game day experience, how important is it that your team wins?" We will assume here that they are fishing for data that will give them full license to no longer bother winning any games and just provide a really awesome venue with lots of cool things to do (Levi Stadium, that is). Wow, the 49ers are hoping that being a Doormat is a plus. (http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/football/49ers-reportedly-fan-surveys-winning-important-article-1.3590574.)

Well, here in the Doormat Division we have a pretty good understanding of losing, and we can assure you that as much fun as it is to find a way to enjoy losing, nothing beats winning, especially if you have been the perennial loser. After all, the goal of every doormat fan is for an underdog or a longtime loser to finally get up off the mat and shove the reigning champion face first into the mud.  So the 49ers had better watch out, because their survey truly makes them Kings of the Doormat. Everyone is gunning for you now.

And now for some stats. We are working with some special doormat stats to rate our teams. In the table below EXP stands for expected points, which means the expected point differential for the team for the year compared to the average total points scored by all NFL teams.  It figures in offense and defense performance and strength of schedule. Thank you Pro Football Reference for this awesome stat.  The next two stats are our own Doormat formulas. OI is for Offensive Inefficiency, a measure of total yards, first downs, plays per drive, points per drive, punts, third down completions, turnovers, and penalties that determine how inefficient an offense is. A score over 30 is great inefficiency, over 40 is true doormat material, and over 50 is Hall of Fame territory. IPR is the ratio of inefficiency to points scored (success vs. efficiency). Anything below 3 is pretty bad. Below 2.5 is Holy Cow.

As you can see, of the top 15 inefficient teams, the Dolts are winning the stat war. What is even more interesting is some winning teams are sneaking into the mix. Lions, Dolphins, Panthers....a definite sign that though they may be over .500 but they are not going to go far.  And the two 0-7 teams are not leading in any of these categories. Once again proving that there is a certain essence to some teams that makes it impossible to lose to them. As St. Thomas said, all things strive to be what they are, and the world is an immense desire resulting in immeasurable effort. In other words, SF and Cleveland are all about losing!

DOORMAT	EXP	OI	IPR
Indianapolis Colts	-58.49	37.95	3.14
Baltimore Ravens	-54.62	34.86	3.73
Cleveland Browns	-52.6	36.11	2.85
Detroit Lions	-42.51	34.93	4.61
Chicago Bears	-42.11	36.29	3.36
Cincinnati Bengals	-38.07	33.00	2.97
Miami Dolphins	-36.38	32.63	2.82
Arizona Cardinals	-32.71	45.46	2.62
San Francisco 49ers	-32.45	41.47	2.97
Denver Broncos	-27.64	40.01	2.70
New York Giants	-26.93	39.38	2.84
New York Jets	-18.64	37.33	3.67
Carolina Panthers	-12.66	46.76	2.80

But right now it's Week 8 in the NFL, and here come the Oracle's predictions. This week we are in beautiful OU Memorial Stadium in comfortable Norman, Oklahoma, home of the Sooners, to launch frozen turkeys into the bleachers from a flatbed truck full of corn fed country stompin' fans. Yeehaw!

Miami- 17

Baltimore- 12

Minnesota- 28

Cleveland- 14

Oakland- 26

Buffalo- 18

(Not really a doormat game, but we are still tracking both of these teams.)

Indianapolis- 17

Cincinnati- 21

Chicago- 13

New Orleans- 28

San Francisco- 3

Philadephia- 42

Carolina- 17

Tampa Bay- 24

The Oracle has spoken!