The Oracle From the Basement is tossing a frozen turkey into a half-frozen swimming pool of beer and reading the ripples to get the NFL predictions on Thanksgiving.
Kittens vs Patsies
The Detroit Kittens have lost their last six Turkey Day games, the closest margin being 11 points. The Patsies are exhausted from their squeaker with the Colts. They are going to be shakey. But it's drive for the playoffs time, and the Patsies are, well, the Yankees. Patsies win in the last minute (par for their course) on a field goal, 30-28. Rangers beat Yanks, 23-2.
Saints vs Cowpies
Saints got their mojo goin' now. After a few doormat quality bumbles early in the season, they are now clicking like a Micky Mantle card clipped to the front fender of a polka-dotted 1962 Schwinn. Cowpies are still weak despite their recent tossing of the Kittens down the cellar steps. Saints win 36-31.
Jets vs Bungles
And now for what might be the most deconstructionist contest of American calorie consumption day (112 billion calories, more than the 111 billion consumed on Superbowl Sunday). This has all the promise of being the blowout of the season as the Cinncinatti Bungles are in more shreds than a Faulkner novel analyzed by a deconstructionist, post-modernist, existentialist, coffee-sipping critic sitting at his Mac Air on 39th and Hawthorne in Portland, Ore.
As reported on ESPN, "New York shares the league's best record but hasn't had a comfortable victory since early October, something it should have a good chance to achieve against a visiting Cincinnati Bengals team which hasn't won since September. "We're cutting it awfully close," quarterback Mark Sanchez said. "I don't think anybody has any finger nails left if they're a Jets fan."
Well, Mark, don't worry. After 11 weeks of clawing their way at the cellar door, the Bungles don't have any claws left. Last time we checked, the orange and black feline was sitting at a naugahyde stool, licking his paws and whimpering something about, "No Holiday in Cinncinatti this week." As QB Palmer said of his confidence in facing the Jets, "“They bring everybody from everywhere at any time." Sounds like he's roaring to get on the field.
The only good news on the Cinncinatti website right now is the cheerleaders (Ben-gals). Second row from front, third from the left is pretty good.
Jets win, 24-10. Ben-gals, 200.
And that's how the turkey splashes.
Is that a Dalmatian Schwinn? Great preview, man. Nailed Bungles, nailed Cowpies, and got Kittens right, though Pats just wore them out. Wow it was something to see Detroit just get plain tired and not be able to keep up.
ReplyDeleteDoormat Division 0-3 today. NFC Worst ran the table last Sunday. These things come in threes.
ReplyDeleteYep, a Dalmation all right, Measels 44! During the Kittens game I overheard the announcers say that the Kittens looked confused, like they did not know what to do. It was a priceless moment in Doormat history.
ReplyDeleteKittens have not won on Turkey day in 7 years and are under .500 for the last 25 years. So they were a slam dunk, but Dallas Cowpies and Bungles really added a lot of aroma to the pile.
ReplyDeleteKittens have all kinds of futility streaks going. It's hard to keep up with them all.
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