Okay, the Oracle has spoken, but that doesn’t mean we can’t FOCUS IN on a couple of choice match-ups.
WE have only one true Doormat tilt this week, Kittens-Nils, and two other intriguing gridiron contests- 0-4-9ers vs. Lambs, and Cardinals-Seahags.
Cards-Hags is probably the worst game of the week. Hags get back Matt Hasselbeck at QB, so PERHAPS they will get more than 8 first downs. perHAPS. Still, they lead the league in least first downs (32nd) , so that means a lot of throwing on third down, and what can the Cards do to stop this? Nothing, really. They are 30th (out of 32) in the league in giving up first downs, and so…they are slightly better than the Hags here. It’s a game of inches, and these worms will be using every inch on the field to measure progress. However, they are really good at giving up the 12 yard pass on 3rd and 11, so Hasselbeck must be licking his chops…or maybe that’s just because he’s had so many concussions it’s a sort condition he’s got.
QB Derek Anderson brings his usual 67 passer rating to the contest, and the Cardinals have NO rushing game. Their leading rusher, Tim Hightower, is averaging 42 yds a game. So the only way the Cards are going to score is off Seahag turnovers, defensive touchdowns, and atrocious defense (over 1000yds the last two weeks). This is highly likely. Should have over 22 changes of possession, but score stays under 20. STIFF.
Check out this remaining schedule for the Cardinals: Hags, Cheaps (real team-ish), 0-4-9ers, Lambs, Buncos, Pansies, Cowpies, 0-4-9ers……..That’s (excluding Cheaps, aw) ALL DOORMAT, guys. They've got to win at least two of those- no?
NILS-KITTENS- the game of the WEAK!
Back in Buffalo where the only fans that are showing up for this one are the ones that still believe THIS IS THE WEEK, or they just really need to get out of the house to avoid the police. Nils have decent running game and Kittens have terrible run D. But Nils are the chokingest guys in the red zone when they run the ball- 3 tds.
Kittens have great passing game, but Shaun ‘INT’ Hill is back under rump in place of the all-glass Matt Stafford, so Nils should get some GIFTS. If Nils have a single guy that can blitz (do they have one? Anybody?), they should do this all day. Even during time outs. Kittens have ka-rummy running game (though Jahvid Best was hot at Cal) going against WORST run defense in the league from the Nils- edge to Kittens, If Best gets break-out game, which means he MAY clear 88 yards, Kittens win. If not, Nils actually get off the snide.
And that’s a Snide Field 9 miles wide.
0-4-9ers vs. Lambs
It’s the final countdown to Coach Single-minded’s firing appointment. I think the only reason this guy is not toast is because Niner owner Jed York is totally scared of the dude.
Who can blame him? Troy Smith goes again at QB and last week he played a complete and efficient second half in a winning effort. I give the Niners every chance of winning this game at Candlestink. If they can pull it out, and the Cardinals can pull out a win against the Hags, the ENTIRE NFC WEST WILL HAVE A LOSING RECORD. Here in The Basement we will hold a special ceremony, building a small shrine in the backyard with those little plastic helmets we got as kids that you put the stickers on and hung on a ‘helmet tree’ for all your favorite teams. Then, a liberal dousing of lighter fluid, a quick hymn of “how low can you go?” , toss a match, sniff the carcinogens and other toxins heartily, and then weave back into the darkness and collapse on the sofa we found outside the transient hotel last week. We liked the orange color.
And that’s the view from the Basement!
The curse of the Northwest is The Seahawks on network TV. I get to see The Lambs twice, but I have to watch The Cards twice. The Niners twice I can handle for purely comic reasons and all the old SF connections I've managed to maintain. As much as I enjoyed The Giants winning the World Serious, I don't ever want to see a SF franchise win anything ever again. I can still feel the sting of those championships with Montana and Young...usually at the expense of The Lambs. Damn you, Bill Walsh!!
ReplyDeleteI may have to go to a sports bar to see the Nils/Kittens. How can any self respecting Doormat dude NOT see this game?
And yes, I will be rooting for the Cards and 9ers to give the entire division a losing record. Has that ever been done in the past? Will anybody in the mainstream even mention it? I checked, and my Keystone Ice Light is in the back of the fridge in the garage. Ahhhh, losing never tasted so sweet!
Incredible Nils defense currently blanking Kittens for entire first half.
ReplyDelete7-0. whatta game.
This season has got me totally befuddled. Naturally, I am upset about my Nils winning. They are the only thing keeping me in striking distance of the moldy carpet. If they start winning, I have no chance. But I SHOULD be happy about The Lambs losing for the same reason, but I've been sucked in to the possibility of The Lambs winning the division. It sucks to actually care about a team. I haven't had to for quite some time. I feel like a surfer dude with bad knees who can't find his medical marijuana card. I feel bad. Only sports can make you feel this brand of bad. Like my friend Bobby who watched his Steelers look like a high school team tonight. Like all the Giants fans who were at the stadium today for the roll over Cowpies. Or how 'bout those Houston fans? Or the Brownies fans. Nothing feels bad like sports bad. Might as well have another Pall Mall and a stale Old Milwaukee.
ReplyDeleteEgg, I'm with you on this one. I thought the Niners were going to out-bad the Lambs for SURe. I thought it was in the bag. Now they're WINNING- what am I supposed to think?
ReplyDeleteCan I trade the Cowpies in now for the Crudnulls? Arizona is BAD!
ReplyDeleteI knew if I added Dallas they would start winning. I really loathe that team.
DT, it's only one game! They will lose more, lots more.
ReplyDeleteBut I am stunned again. What a whitewater season. And I am really mad at the Cards, if they beat the Seahags we have history. Maybe they can still all fall below .500, but it won't be easy now.
Looks like the Giants got complacent, but I can't tell because we were driving all day Sunday and I did not see any of the games. i kept updating the score on my phone and couldn't believe it as the Cowpies kept winning. I thought the Giants would come around and win, but nothing. Same with the Cards and the 9ers. I kept waiting for it to happen, but zip.
ReplyDeleteAnd how about those Cal Bears? Wow, that was close. One muffed field goal hike killed them. They get that goal they win because the Cal D owned the Ducks that day.
We now have a Twitter account for the Doormat Division and a Seahawk Twitter fan found us and has been flaming @doormatdivision all week.
ReplyDelete