DOORMAT DIVISION NFL WEEK 7 PREVIEW

VIKINGS  (+2.5) at GIANTS (monday)

The Yikes (1-4) and the Gnats (0-6) are the marquee Doormat game this weekend, aptly scheduled for Monday Night. The Giants are FAVORED.   Unsatisfied with mediocre play from Christian Ponder and Matt Cassell, the Yikings went out and snagged the worst 4000-yard, 27 touchdown-pass quarterback in the league- Josh Freeman.   The job is yours, now, Josh.   Let's hear Mr. Freeman tell it:

"The underlying questions I've been getting from a lot of people: `Do I have a chip on my shoulder?' I'm sure I do," Freeman said. "But I think it's more deeply rooted than just the past six months, 12 months."  

Not only has a deeply rooted chip gotta hurt, it's dang hard to knock off, so I guess the message is Freeman will be carrying around a splinter the size of a redwood tree under his shoulder pads on Monday, and that's going to mess with his accuracy.  But, you just gotta grab a Bull by the horns of a dilemma, I always say.

On the other side of the line,  Eli "Intercepto" Manning is on pace for 40 interceptions for the season, so Freeman has his work cut out for him.  If the Gnats aren't careful, they're going to win a game.   The Gnats have no pass rush and can't intercept a soft-toss bagel in the cashier line at the bakery, so Freeman just might look like a winner to Yiking fans.  For one game.  But, the Gnats KNOW this is it- if they can't win this one, give up and go for the Moldy Carpet.  Says here they decide to win one.

Final Score-  27-24
EDGE TO LOSE-  VIKINGS



CHARGERS (-7.5) at JAGUARS

Some people think this is the Jaguars best shot at a victory.   That's in three  weeks when the Crudinals come to town.  Jags are exhausted from last week's effort.  It's a bye week, except there's a game.  Chargers will blow them out.  Rivers has 3 TD passes in first half.   

Final Score:  38-10
Edge to Lose:  JAGS


BUCCANEERS (+7)  at ATLANTA

Another great Doormat game, even if Atlanta refuses to come into the Basement from the patio. Hovering out there over the grill, the sun going down, the temperature dropping, waiting for that call from the win column.  As bad as Atlanta has been, they just can't blow this one....CAN THEY?? The Bucs just have a stiff for an offense, so they'll keep the game close, but the Falcons will not have to make a comeback in this one.   Bucs keep the winless streak alive. Long way to go to tie the franchise record of 26 straight losses, but you 
must do it one game at a time.

Final Score:  35-13

EDGE to LOSE:  BUCS



CLEVELAND (+10) at GREEN BAY

The Browns got back down to .500 last week, and are this week's biggest underdog. How big's the Brownie on your shoulder, Cleveland?  Well, they just signed former #7 Green Bay pick WR Charles Johnson, only to find out he has a torn ACL, so that should help.  The Brownies just keep it coming, don't they?  But the Pack counters with injuries to just about everybody except Aaron Rodgers, so let's see how too-hard he tries against what is a formidable Browns defense.  Browns QB Brandon Weeden has slightly better mobility than a tombstone on a warm day, so the Packers will be blitzing on just about every play. It's going to be an old-fashioned NFL slugfest. A SLUFGEST, even.  Otto Graham will be watching from the great beyond. 

Final score:  12-10
EDGE TO LOSE:  Browns (but just barely).


HOUSTON (+6) at CHIEFS

Can the Cheaps keep winning, with Alex Smith having a completely mediocre year?  He did it in SF, so why not?  The Texans should blitz, right up the middle, the heck out of Alex and see just how rattled he gets. He's the leagues premier roll-out and throw it away QB.  The Toxins (2-4) have their chance to get into the Moldy Carpet conversation, and what better place than the loudest stadium in the NFL (take that, Seattle)?  Just last year, you could have sworn Arrowhead was one of those over-carpeted French restaurants where everything sounds like a muted whisper and it seems like your food is talking to you (at least the mushrooms are) and your waiter seems to be 100 yards away.  Not anymore.  There's a slobberingly loud Chiefs fan spraying beer spittle over your head after every play and nobody is sitting down.  Into this cacaphony of tail-gate fueled mayhem comes Texan rookie QB Case Keenum, undrafted and active for his first game ever.  Last guy to do that was Jake Delhomme for the Saints.   They're going to eat him alive.

Final Score:   20-3
EDGE TO LOSE: TEXANS


BILLS (+8)  AT DOLPHINS

The Flip-Flops are favored by EIGHT POINTS?  This game should be a Doormat lulu.  Miami as zero pass blocking.  The Nils have 21 sacks, and Miami QB Ryan Tannehill has hit the turf 24 times.  LOOK OUT.  

Final Score:  13-9
EDGE TO LOSE: DOLPHINS


RAVENS (-1.5) at STEELERS

The Shower Curtain got off the snide last week, but they're still 1-5 folks.  Nobody is running away with the AFC North.  It's gonna be a muck-fest.  On astroturf.   The Reelers have one weapon- bombs away from Big Ben.
It's not enough.

Final Score:  44-23
EDGE to Lose:  STEELERS


aaaAAAAAnd That's the View From the Basement!