The DOORMAT DIVISION NFL WEEK 5 PREVIEW!

THIS WEEK'S MATCHUPS OF THE EASILY WINDED  IN THE  RUN TO THE MOLDY CARPET TROPHY!!!

Tonight:

BROWNS (2-2) vs.  BILLS (2-2)

I wonder how fast the good people of Cleveland, Ohio whipped their Indians cap off and got their orange on last night?  The tailgate started at 6 am this morning as the Brownies go for 3 wins in a row in what is supposed to be a tank season.  That's a lot to ask of Blank Helmet Football.   BHF, however,  boasts a pretty sharp defense- especially on the run, which is Buffalo's only hope.   Flip your bowl of chips, do your war dance on them, and read the tale they tell.  The Nils check in with 8 punts a game, while the Blanks can only loft 6.7.    Remember, a national stage game is a great place to really do some dumb stuff.  The Nils have the edge there, averaging 8.75 penalties a game, while the Brownies have a measly 6 per game.

Bills QB EJ Manuel has thrown all his interceptions (3) in their 2 wins, so that's a real dilemma for Doormat strategy.  Should the Browns AVOID intercepting passes to increase their chances of losing?
Says here the Browns keep the interceptions coming but still win the game.
EDGE TO LOSE:   BILLS

GAME OF THE WEEK:

RAMS (1-3)  at  JAGUARS (0-4)

When's the last time a 1-3 team was favored by 11.5 points?   ON THE ROAD. Never.  And still you think that's a risky bet.  Boy, if that kind of disrespect doesn't motivate you nothing will.  And that's your 2013 Jacksonville Jags!  Both teams are coming off two straight blow-outs.  This is the big one for the Gags.  If they can biff this one, and why the heck not, they're in the driver's seat in the AFC.  For the Lambs,  this is one of the few games where their defense is going to look inspired, because the Jags make feigned interest look like TOTAL MOTIVATION.   Take the points with the Jags, but the Lambs get stuck with the W.  Jags will score TWO TDs,  but don't worry.  They've got it covered.
EDGE to LOSE:  JAGS

CHARGERS (2-2) at RAIDERS (1-3)
Terrelle Pryor is ready for another concusion this week as he runs away from his own line in a wild attempt to generate offense for the Raydurz.  Chargers QB Philip Rivers is rejuvenated in a short-drop quick release offense.  The longer Phil holds the ball, the darker things get in San Diego. Raiders have a sparklingly terrible defense.  They have NO pass rush. But wait!  Could this be the ultimate strategy? No pass rush means Rivers can hold onto the ball longer and start improvising.  Suddenly, anything could happen.  Nah.
EDGE TO LOSE:  RAIDERS

PHEEBLES (1-3) at GIANTS  (0-4)

This one has 8 turnovers written all over it.  Maybe it'll rain really hard, too.  This could really be a Doormat Legends game.  Says here Giants can't quite match the true mojo that is ingrained losing just yet.  Pheebles coach Chip Kelly has begun to learn what kind of a roster he's dealing with.  These guys won the NFC and played for the Moldy Carpet last year, man.  Get in line!
EDGE TO LOSE:  EAGLES

PITTSBURGH (0-4),  TAMPA (0-4), MINNESOTA (1-3) and WASHINGTON (1-3) all have the week off, so it's Holiday for Doormats!  The team that comes out of this par-tay! week with the biggest hangover will go on a losing streak never witnessed before.  Steelers already seriously rolling with 1 victory in the last 12 games.  

aaaAAAaaAND That's the View from the Basement!