DOORMAT DIVISION: NFL WEEK 8 WRAP-UP AND DUMP IN THE THAMES

Giants climb to 2-6, fall out of Moldy Carpet race.  Jets get blown out huge. Jacksonville hosts the International Embarrassment Series in London- Gaguar style. The Jadeveon Clowney Sweepstakes is shaping up.  The best of the worst in the NFL all lost (except them Giants), leaving competent and nearly competent teams in the astroturf pebbles.  

NFC                                                        .

                           W-L         PF-PA

Tampa Bay           0-7          100-163

Minnesota            1-6          163-225

NY Giants             2-6          141-223

Washington          2-5          173-229

Atlanta                2-5          166-184

AFC                                                          .

Jacksonville         0-8           86-264

Houston               2-5         122-194

Pittsburgh            2-5         125-153

Buffalo                 2-5         176-213

Cleveland             3-5         148-179

JAGUARS 10,  49ers 42

Just to be clear, the Jags DID field a professional group on the field yesterday.  The English sent back more pictures of the Jaguar cheerleaders than the team yesterday, by a

5-1 margin.

 

Apparently, this outfit has the English's number

To be fair, the Jags did do something interesting when the cheerleaders briefly left the field:

Yes, that's a Spotted Streaker-  Jaxson De Ville, Jaguar mascot.   Not as common as Spotted Dick (an actual food dish in jolly old England), but perhaps more palatable.

What, you want me to write about the game?  Okay, fine-  on the second play of the game, the 49ers ran one of the oldest playground tricks in the book.  The fullback pretended he was going out of the game, but stopped just shy of the sideline.  The Jags, naturally, saw him way too late, and he snags a pass and goes 43 yards.  Frank Gore plunges 19 yards on the next play and the game is over.  

But, what do you expect from the International Embarrassment Series?  The Jags will be back next year.  London will welcome the Jaguar Cheer Squad with open phone booths. 

BEAGLES 7,  GIANTS 15

Sfiff of the Year.  Giants kick 5 field goals, and then hand the Eagles a sympathy touchdown at the end, fumbling at their 2 yard line, and the exhausted Philly defense falls on it in the end zone.  Eagles hold ball for all of 21:56, and make novice QB Matt Barkley run the 'gas the O-line' offense, which he has no aptitude for, so hey!  Manning throws no interceptions, but maintains INT lead, as Carson Palmer falls off his pace.

Nobody has a winning record in the NFC East, and it's week 8.  Keep an eye on this.  A division winner with a losing record is entirely possible with this group.  

COWPIES 30,  LIONS 31

Getting totally deked on the last play of the game by Matt Stafford's fake spike play has to rank way up there with 'most galling' losses for the Cowflakes.  What a season.  What a way to lose.  I'm in awe.

JETS 9, BENGALS 49

Finally the Jets play like we think they should, and lose huge.  The Bengals scored so fast, the Jets ended up with the ball for 8 more minutes than them.  Not that anybody noticed.  We wish they would just string together 10 losses, but they just can't keep it up.  There is always next week.  Geno Smith chucks two more INTs to reach 13, in a solid third place in that category. 

FAILCONS 13, CRUDINALS 27

Atlanta picks the perfect game to establish their claim to a spot in the Basement, with Matt Ryan chucking 4 interceptions right in Carson Palmer's face.  Ha!  Palmer can only come up with 1, and the Cruds climb back to an un-respectable 4-4.  I'd like to point out that I think we're the only sports writers to pick the Falcons to totally fall on their faces this year.

DEADSKINS 21, BRONCOS 45

Getting ahead 21-7, and then getting blown out is pretty special.  The mixture of the Deadskin punting game (7) and  2 INT pick-sixes did it.   38 straight points given up.  Hats off, gentlemen.  A pro is in the basement.

YIKINGS 31,  PACKERS 44

Yikes coach Leslie (Fire Me!) Frazier realizes his best QB was already on team- Christian Ponder- but it's okay because the Yikes defense is just so tired now. I bet they really complained about the ridiculous number of plays the Packers ran.  Geez.  What's with all that running?  

The SHOWER CURTAIN 18,  RAIDERS 21

Raider QB Terrelle Pryor runs 93 yards for a touchdown on the first play of the game, and seals the win.  That's more yards than he got passing (81), but the Reelers had a blocked punt up their sleeve for another Raider TD.  Raiders countered with a fumble at their own 11 for a Reeler's TD, but, sorry, Raiders-  Pittsburgh knows losing better than you.  With a tour through Doormat-land coming up, the Raiders next 5 games could all be wins.  They won't do it, but the pre-season prediction of these guys finishing 8-8 actually looks possible.  Whoa.

BILLS 17,  SAINTS 35

They didn't have a chance.  Saints have to pick up yet another win.  Bills masterfully cough up the ball in all the right places at the right moments.  It's the kind of workmanlike, professional job you'd expect from a tough blue-collar town like Buffalo.  

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aaaAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the BASEMENT!!!