TURKEY
EXTRA TURKEY EXTRA
PACKERS 10, LIONS 40
The Lions hadn’t
won on TG day in 11 years. They
also hadn’t won very often on the other days, but you knew that. Starting off the game with two
interceptions and a fumble for a Packer TD, Lions QB Matt Stafford took the
early advantage in the struggle for .500 or worse. Up 10-0, there was a chance the Slack Pack would score 5
defensive touchdowns and- win a game?
Stafford looked in top form.
Cue Packer QB Matt
Flynn, the only QB to build a career from one good game. If the Raiders cut
someone- who began as the starter- from their team, you really should pay
attention. If there is a QB with worse peripheral vision and hearing, he’s not
in the NFL. It’s one thing to calmly stand in the pocket and hit your
receivers. It’s another to calmly
stand in the pocket and just get hit.
Maybe the team’s name is The Pancackers*, but it’s too long to get on
the banners. The man is Doormat
Gold.
Once the Lions
realized what incredible nothingness they were up against, they just gave up
and scored an avalanche of points.
I think we can just hand the Slackers the WORST OFFENSE and DEFENSE of
the week without bothering with anybody else’s stats:
7 first downs. 126 TOTAL YARDS. 7 sacks for 37 yards. A Safety (one of
the easiest ones I have ever seen).
Flynn chips in 2 lost fumbles and an interception. 19:34 time of possession-
anything under 20:00 is a work of art and deserves special recognition. It’s only happened twice this year.
Let’s not forget
the Defense, long stringy hair and all: The Slackers give up 561
yards, 3 TD passes, and 241 yards on the ground. Total Doormat All-Star effort all around.
Unfortunately,
Aaron Rodgers is back next week.
5-6-1 and totally reeling, they have a shot at 10 losses.
[*their full name
is the Green Bay Meat Packers.
Or, at least, that’s the derivation. The India Meat Packing company ponied up the money for
their uniforms in year 1 (A.D.)]
RAIDERS 24,
COWBOYS 31
The Oakland Faders
(4-8) strike again. Brilliant in
the first quarter (86-41 points advantage), and progressively dreadful the rest
of the way!
PF-PA
1st: 86- 41
2nd: 71- 102
3rd: 40- 62
4th: 40-95
Outcoached?
Out-hustled? Out-maneuvered?
Out-muscled? Pick one. Pick
them all. Someday they’ll play a full game of football. But it’s not important next week. The Jets are coming to town.
STEELERS 20,
RAVENS 22
The Battle for the
Middle rages on. Steelers dodge
.500 (5-7) and the Ravens (6-6) now lead the Parity Division. I bet that conspiracy of Ravens is off
the patio for good. I bet they
don’t come back. But just remember,
Never Bet the Devil Your Head.
It was a great Turkey Dary for Doormats crowned by a true slugfest with Baltimore and Pittsburgh at the end. Every game was enjoyable this time, which is rare.
ReplyDeleteI love our Doormat Division, but as a Lions fan for life, it felt awwwwwwfulllly good to see them come to their senses and whallop a team as they should. I think in the first quarter they forgot they were playing a Rodgersless team and were just waiting to lose. But then they realized the Pack was punchless these days. Lions finally win on Turkey Day!
Ya know, I agree. I really felt like I saw them gather for a huddle and suddenly change demeanor. Stafford got the tough look he gets when he decides to just smoke some team. Screw this- let's just score a lot.
ReplyDelete