Doormat Division Week 8 Fish Wrap

            A DECIDEDLY BAY AREA AROMA,

WITH SOME NEW YORK FUMES MIXED IN

    

           

Now that the Raiders and 49ers have throttled the league into submission, it is only fitting that Thursday Night Doormat will feature the most unwatchable football game that you just gotta watch this week. 1-7 and 1-6, respectively, and looking like they can lose to anybody, the Whinos and the Faders will tee it up on three days rest, which is all any crumbling franchise ask for, short of a 14 hour plane trip to London. Tops on the 49ers list is just trying to field 11 guys on a side for the tilt.  It'll be hideous, it'll be bad, it'll be Doormat football at its finest.  Be there.

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 8

NFC            W-L        PF       PA       DIFF

Santa Clara   1-7         173      236       -63
NY Giants     1-7         150     205       -55
Arizona         2-6         110     199        -89
Tampa Bay    3-4         201     233       -32

Atlanta          3-4         190     233        -22
Detroit           3-4         201     186       -15
 
    

AFC            W-L        PF        PA      DIFF

Oakland        1-6         138       218     -80
Buffalo         2-6          87        200      -113
Cleveland     2-5-1      169      210      -41
Denver          3-5         188      194      -6
Jacksonville  3-5         134      170      -36
NY Jets         3-5         192      200      -8


THE GAMES

BILLS 6, PATRIOTS 25
The Pats were hard to shake, but the Bills kept to the game plan, and just refused to score a touchdown, while the Pats will score at least one, even if just by mistake.  Bills make it past -100 points differential, and keeping their point total under 100 (87!) by midseason.  Though they have 2 victories, this is the creme de la creme of the Doormat Division.  They lead the league in fewest first downs, fewest points, and fewest scoring drives that include a first down.  Think about that last one.  For the first time in ages, the Bills are not leading the league in punts, with a meagre 42 vs. the Browns ballooning 59.  

RAIDERS 21, COLTS 42
The Colts have a wide-open defense, built for this year's NFL. Wanna score?  Let us help you. As effective as that is, the Raiders have the real ace in the hole: being overmatched, having to give 150% effort just to be OK, and then running out of gas, completely, in the 4th quarter. Yesterday they coughed up 21 points in the 4th and took a close game and turned it into a blowout.  Raiders 1-6 and the worst in the AFC. It's amazing. 

49ERS 15, CARDINALS 18
I keep saying the Cardinals are the worst team in the league, and they are...but the 49ers have their number, so I have to switch gears.  Though... my gearbox doesn't go that low. 

I can't see the Whiners beating anybody now, except themselves, but the next two weeks will settle that lack of vision: the Raiders this week, on 3 days 'rest', and then the 1-7 Giants next week. How will they do it?  With a milquetoast defense and Doormat pro offensive line, keeping QB C.J. "Sackman" Beathard focused on evasion and quality of turf on most possessions.  

Somehow, the Vegas odds opened with the Raiders as underdogs to the Whiners.  This is only because it's a 49er home game. That's all it takes with this matchup.

JAGS 18, EAGLES 24
It just isn't London without the Jaguars taking the beery air out of Wembly stadium. The English have the best of both worlds:  A functioning parliamentary government, and imported football, where they don't have to fret over their kids or heros getting head trauma injuries. They can just sit back and watch Americans beat the daylights out of each other, go home and make a nice spot of tea as a bracing rainstorm waters their chaotic English garden. Ah, the colonies are so quaint, and they don't cost us a dime anymore. Jags 3-4, have lost four straight and have barged into the Basement. The Jags are so bad they couldn't even pull off going for drinks in a pub, and then trying to waltz out as 'stars' and not pay. The Doormat Division does not pick up the tab in these situations. 

BROWNS 18, STEELERS 33
The Browns have now achieved the all-time record for consecutive road losses: 25. Having at made it to the mountaintop, they fired coach Hugh Jackson. Because, hey, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.  Winless season AND most consecutive road losses.  Over the last 3.5 seasons, the Brown-outs are 6-49-1.  

But, it was just a football game in Pittsburgh

GIANTS 13, REDSKINS 20
1-7 and tied for the NFC lead, the Gnats have to hang on for the bye week before the huge showdown with the 49ers, on Monday Night Doormat Nov. 12th.  Bye weeks for us basement dwellers is not a time for solving problems. It's a time to get further out of sync, forget the playbook, get in a fight at a club, catch your breath and...yes that's right, there are still EIGHT MORE GAMES TO PLAY. Rub on a little more Ben-Gay.

I have my doubts that the Gnats can lose to the Whiners. They both have porous offensive lines, but the Whines have no pass rush, and a shoddy defensive secondary, so my learned observation is:  Manning will have a throwback day, for one day, on the gridiron in Santa Clara Nov. 12th.  Or he throws his back out.

BUCCANEERS 34, BENGALS 37
It does not matter how many points the Bucs score. Their defense can outscore them.  There is no quarterback controversy when you need to score 40 points to have a shot at winning a game.

JETS 10, BEARS 24
Getting their total yardage down to 207, using eight timely penalties, and this week's low of 12 first downs (which will be shattered by the Bills tonight against the Pats), the Jets appear to be honing the losing down to simpler forms. Just don't do much.


The Doormat Division celebrates the down-trodden, and luckless, and the hapless. As much as we seem to be kicking them when they're down, we're just trying to find a way to ease the pain.  Our Commish's Raiders, my Niners, Fish's Lions...they're all at the bottom, or teetering dangerously near it, yet again. Remember to give your understanding and a hand of help, compassion and love to those less fortunate, and to come together for peace in this land. We gotta pull together.  


aaaAAAAnd THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!!

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK SIX WRAP-UP AND PUNTATHON

It's a Punt Eat Punt World

Every once in a great while, a team steps forward...I think it's two or three steps, and then you swing your leg...right?...and puts themselves into the Doormat Division record books.  Doing this despite their current record (3-3) does not diminish the accomplishment. In the case of the Tennessee Titans, the Basement really isn't that far away, ever. We only have to peel back one or two layers of wallpaper to get to our Titanics pattern.

TITANS 0, RAVEN-POES 21

It's not the 11 sacks, one off the NFL record, that is impressive, even though it's often a coach-sacking offense. It's not the 7 first downs. It's this: 9 Titans possessions, 9 Titans punts. We've been covering the Doormat Division for 8 years, and following the stats for a lot longer than that, and we have never seen every possession in a game end with a punt. No interception, no fumble (though Titanics QB Marcus Mariota tried), no 4th down failure (not even late in the game?).  

That takes skilled determination. The Titanics haven't crossed the goal line in 8 quarters, have lost two straight, and Titans coach Mike Vrabel was pretty verbal in the post-game press conference. Taking full credit for the incredible accomplishment, Vrabel said "you don't have time for any hangovers," clearly meaning they can't celebrate for too long, because they got some icebergs to go hit.  

THE STANDINGS

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 6

NFC            W-L        PF       PA       DIFF

Arizona         1-5          82       139       -57
NY Giants     1-5         117      162       -45
*Santa Clara  1-4         118     146       -28

Atlanta          2-4         167      192       -25
Tampa Bay    2-3         141      173      -32
Detroit           2-3         125      137      -12

AFC            W-L        PF        PA      DIFF

Oakland        1-5         110      176       -66
Indy              1-5         152      180       -28
Buffalo         2-4          76        138      -62
Denver          2-4         120      154      -34
Cleveland     2-3-1       128     151      -23

*Santa Clara plays the Packers tonight

RAIDERS 3, SEAHAWKS 27

The Seahawks are not a great team. But the RAIDERS.  Every year, the NFL invites 4 teams out to London for a couple games, and it's never teams that might make the Super Bowl. If you're in London, you're a Doormat rep or you're auditioning to be. The Raiders passed the audition with damp moldy colors, something any Brit can appreciate. The only way to be the worst of the worst is confident totally wrong top-down leadership. 7 years into the (owner) Mark Davis era, the downward spiral, with one season of up, is starting to look like a whirlpool from which the pirate ship Raider Nation will not escape, and why should they? They've got a Moldy Carpet Trophy (the Doormat Division's highest award) to hoist at year's end. They can cart it out to Las Vegas, put the ol' Skull and Crossbones up in some dusty creosote tangled lot, get bit by a scorpion, put their pirate vessel in dry dock, stop showering and let that Moldy Carpet dry out, blowing its spores across the lonely desert.  

What're the odds?  

p.s.  You know, if Al Davis were alive, he'd look terrible, but he would have hired Colin Kaepernick as soon as he was available, if just to thumb his nose at all the other owners.  The NFL misses that. With two rookie tackles watching the world go by, they could really use someone who is already out on the edge by the time the pass rush gets to the backfield. Just sayin'.  

BROWNS 14, CHARGERS 38

The Brownies are keeping it real, 2-3-1, and back in our standings.  Noting that Browns QB Baker Mayfield likes to run around, the Chargers decided to help him out and turn it up to 'run for your life.'  5 sacks, two more interceptions, and a Brownie day at the yard, in Cleveland. The Browns defense shored up its run strategy, getting mowed for 246 rushing yards, and making Philip Rivers look like a level-headed cool cucumber. He's not really green, it's just this old TV.  The tubes come from Russia. Are they listening?

CARDINALS 17, VIKINGS 27

You know it's a tough news day when your worst team in the league is item #4, but what can you do?  It's not flashy, it's just brain-dead. Cardinals accomplish difficult task of making Kirk Cousins signing look good, for one day.

MIAMI 31, BEARS 28 OT

I know this is not a Doormat game, but last year it sure was. Another loony game in the NFL in 2018. And it's mostly ex-Doormats (attempting to leave) leading the charge.

COLTS 34, JETS 42

Like this one!  The Clots are 1-5, yet are averaging 25 points a game. But they're giving up 31, so it's one near miss, blown lead, futile comeback, after another.  They only punted twice!  

BUCS 29, FALCONS 34

Down...down....down... another pirate ship slowly sinks in the harbor.  3 losses in a row gets them back to a losing record, despite 512 yards of offense.  Jameis Winston, Ryan Fitzpatrick, who cares who's back there- just come close.  But, please, no cigars.  Although, the completely hilarious multi-fumble-lateral final play that 'almost' got in the end zone, you gotta give the Bucs some style points.  Big Doormat style points.

BILLS 13, TEXANS 20

12 first downs, 12 penalties, 11 pipers piping, 5 punts-a-punting, TWO -In-ter-cep-tionnnnns!

Bills interception machine QB Nathan Peterman got into the game (one INT for every 8.7 attempts. That's 63 in a season with 550 attempts), finishing off the game with a pick-six with 1:23 left. This came after the Bills had set up the Toxins at the 1-yard line with a pass interference call, but the Toxins refused to move in, kicking a tying field goal, hoping for an overtime loss or something.  But when you've got an interception wizard out on the field, a team just has to be patient with impatience.  Bills 2-4 and in the race.

GIANTS 13, PHILADEPHIA 34

Yes, Eli Manning is still playing football. 

JAGUARS 10, COWBOYS 40

Well!  It's like old Home Week.  The Jags turn back the clock for a day, 10 first downs, scrape up 204 yards of offense and sink back to 3-3.  Two blowout losses in a row, and they could easily lose 3 of the next 4 games.

Tonight!

49ers at Packers

Whiners should get to 1-5 with this one, but I think they may cover the 9-point spread (biggest of the weekend), as this may be their last gasp before giving in and playing out the string.  Packers are not what they once were, but the Whiners have no idea what 'were' is.

aaaAAAAAAnd That's the View From the BASEMENT!!!!

-wacko

MASTERS OF DISASTER- The Pick-Six Gods

MASTERS OF DISASTER

or "Just Throw it Up There, Someone Will Score"

  

What do Blake Bortles, Brett Favre, Matt Schaub and the Manning brothers have in common?  They all make a great tuna mac.  No, wait:  They've all shown savvy ability to throw the Pick-Six. 

Ah, the Pick-six:  the most efficient Doormat play an offense can run. Less risky than allowing a punt return for a TD (too much can go wrong). Often overlooked in a quarterback's statistics, here at the Doormat Division we take this tally with all due seriousity.

Brett Favre, dangerously confident hero of the frozen north, is the all-time pick-six leader with a seemingly insurmountable 31- 186 magnificent points for the other team. However, Brett, our NFL interceptions leader at 336, took 19 seasons to get those lofty totals.  

Over in Jacksonville, though, Jaguar Blake Bortles (who inspired this article), has been in the league only 3 years, and already has 11. Should he bamboozle someone into letting him start for 6 more years, he'll have 33 in only 9 seasons. Now that's working it. Blake has thrown 3 pick-sixes in the last 4 games. He's on fire. I'll bet Charles Woodson wants to come out of retirement for whoever is playing the Jags next- he's only 1 pick-six score behind Rod Woodson, the career leader with 12 (this stat is not helping us keep straight which Woodson is which). 

If Bortles keeps this up, he gets to grab a clipboard and be a back-up for the rest of his career, like the illustrious Matt Schaub.  

For one season,  Peyton Manning has the record with 6 (2001) before he stopped trying to squeeze passes through 4 defenders. After that, it was only 3. 

Tied with Peyton is, of course, the Chicago Bear's Rudy Bukich in 1966. But you knew that. Rudy, a 12 year back-up, got handed the job with the Bears in '65, beating out the gassed Billy Wade, who was two years Bukich's senior at 35. Both of them came up with the Rams, with Wade a #1 pick. The Bears went 9-5, but Bukich was mostly handing the ball to Gale Sayers.  The next year, though, Rudy got his chance- 21 interceptions against 10 TDs. Sadly, no pick-six data for that year.  

For one game, it's Peyton's long-bomb brother Eli (and slew of others) with 3.

For one QUARTER, it's the legendary Ed Baker (3). Baker's moment of glory was his only start for the Houston Oilers in 1972. He went 4 for 10, with four interceptions, so he spread it around, however telegraphed they may have been. He was a Doormat machine. It is notable that the Oilers won the Moldy Carpet that year, going 1-13.

Most consecutive games with a Pick-Six:  4, Matt Schaub, 2013 (Houston Texans). Seems like only 100 years ago when Schaub was considered one of the best in the league and went to the Pro Bowl twice (amassing a whopping -9 yards at Aloha Stadium, showcasing his 2012 talents admirably).  Then the wheels came off: in 2013 Schaub threw 14 interceptions to a measly 10 touchdowns, and ran off the 4 straight games with a pick-six, thus ending his career as a starter (giving way to budding Doormat pro Case Keenum). With his Pick-Six reputation at it's most shining, Matt landed the back-up job with the still-struggling Oakland Raiders in 2014, leading to perhaps his greatest Doormat moment, in the infamous game vs. the St. Louis Rams.  Entering the game at a Doormat Division leading 1-11, the Raiders hit rock bottom in this one, somehow ultimately losing 52-0.  It was the second worst defeat worst game in Raiders history, though possibly the worst game.  [Read our inspired wrap-up:  http://doormatdivision.blogspot.com/2014/12/doormat-week-13-raiders-take-charge.html  ]

Raider rookie Derek Carr was getting shellacked, and, throwing in the towel, interim coach Tony Sparano (who had replaced Dennis Allen in game 5) told Schaub to put on a helmet and do something.

Wasting no time, Schaub responded by throwing his first pass for a pick six. When you aren't getting many opportunities any more, you gotta pad your stats.  Throwing only 9 passes, Matt also fit in 3 sacks and 2 fumbles.  The Silver and Blacked out finished the season 4-12- ironically being beaten out for the Moldy Carpet by the Houston Texans, who went 2-14.  

Schaub is now plying his clipboard trade for the Atlanta Falcons, the team that originally drafted him.  Falcon fans pray every morning, over their beer and cornflakes, that Matt Ryan plays every single down.  

The Pick Six: a chance at immortality for the man willing to take chances.

-wacko

DOORMAT DIVINITY WRAP-UP WEEK 11. WOW!!!

RAMS KNOCK OFF ANOTHER GOLIATH!  RAIDERS-CHARGERS A THING OF BEAUTY!
GIANTS PULL OUT ALL STOPS TO LOSE TO 49ERS!  THE RACE TIGHTENS UP IN THE NFC DOORMAT! BROWNS ROCKET TO LAST PLACE IN ONE GAME!!

DOORMAT DIVISION WEEK 11
 

NFC              W-L              PF       PA      DIFF 

Tampa Bay     2-8               194       279      -85 

NY Giants      3-7                205      263      -58

Washington    3-7                204      256      -52   

Carolina         3-7-1              215     300      -85

Minnesota      4-6                181      220      -39

AFC                              

Oakland          0-10              152      265      - 113

Jacksonville    1-9                158      282      -110

NY Jets           2-8                174      265      -91

Tennessee       2-8                168      250      -82

Buffalo           5-5                200      204       -4

GAME OF THE WEEK

RAIDERS 6, CHARGERS 13

18 punts. Was new hall-of-famer Ray Guy there?  Was that it? This game was a total Doormat stay-in-the-parking lot game.  The Commitment to Excrescence fumbled on the first play from scrimmage, and then the Chargers ran their only play of the game, and scored a touchdown. The game was over at 14:07 of the first quarter.

The Raiders ran 55 plays, but to call them plays might be misleading. The Chargers have defiantly shut down their offense as well, so...this was one of those games where, if you live back east, you tune in and you wonder if everyone is just there for the sunshine. California winter sun, a sort of quiet murmer in the stands, seagulls swirling for hot dog wrappers, the grass looks surrealistically bright green.. and you think-" this can't really be football, right?"   

Doormat teams thrive in these environs. 0-10 and, honestly, I can't imagine anybody getting under the bar against the Silver and Blacked Out. Interim coach Tony Sparano holds the key. If they give beleaguered Raider rookie QB Derek Carr's psyche a rest and let burned out Matt Schaub take the wheel, it could go off the rails and the Raider might win a game. Otherwise, these guys go 0-16.   

REDSKINS 7, BUCCANEERS 27

In a real honest-to-God battle for the NFC basement, America's #1 Offensive Nickname Team (by popular consensus) loses handily to Tampa Bay with a game plan centered on the sinkhole in the pocket- RGB III gets sacked 6 times, throws 2 interceptions, one for a pick-six, and the backfield fumbles the ball 4 times. The Bucs are in trouble- Josh McCown looks like he's figured out how to be a quarterback and that is ominous portent for any doormat team.  Redskins rise to 3-7, a mere scalp-length behind Tampa.  Bucs will have steep challenge to lose next week in Chicago.  Skins have easier road in Santa Clara (SF)- though by no means a gimme.

GIANTS 10, 49ERS 16

Not so fast, Skinsies.  The Giants, hot on the trail at 3-7, losers of 5 straight, turn in a dog pile of a game against a 49er team that wants to lose, but don't have the brains. The Giants are the current Turnover Streak kings, with 26 straight games with a least one turnover. One a game is not very dynamic. Eli Manning steps up with a dizzying display, racking up five INTs, the final one at the goal line with the Gnats poised to take the lead. Last year's INT champ, Manning is suddenly back in the INT Crown race, only 3 behind Blake Bortles (14 to 11).  Added bonus viewing:  Coach Tom Coughlin got to throw the red challenge flag, which nobody does with more steamed irritation.

I'm not sure why the 49ers win games. The defense is obviously very very good, but the offense is designed by a dog-pile, and Colin Kaepernick seems to be kind of a knucklehead. This game was, just to go for the trifecta, a dog-pile of a game.  

PANTHERS 17, FALCONS 19

Who needs the Doormat when we have the NFC South?  The Falcons are in FIRST with a 4-6 record!!! Somebody pinch me. The Bucs, at 2-8, are only TWO games off the pace. Think about it, they LEAD the Doormat NFC and can still win their division.  The Pansies, as usual, play like Doormat pros- really disorganized until the game is out of reach, and then stage a pointless furious comeback.  3-7-1 and only a game from leading the Doormat OR the NFC South!!

VIKINGS 13, DA BARES 21

The Minnesota Vikings, the official Break Your Losing Streak Here team.  They make Jay Cutler look good, and the Yikings avoid the dreaded .500. Yikes can still challenge for the Doormat NFC crown, and next week's home game in what I hope is a white-out blizzard against the buzz-saw Packers should help.

RAMS 22, BRONCOS 7

They did it again. Three stunning upsets- and still just a 4-6 record. The best back-up QB for the last 10 years in the NFL, George Blanda- I mean, Sean Hill, comes in and throws a bomb, the Rams kick five field goals, and the defense once again comes up with a great game plan, locking down Peyton Manning.  WOO-HOO!  Our Doormat Giant Killer.  Yow!

BROWNS 7, TEXANS 23

Frightened by their AFC North division lead, the Browns return to the bad old days and play a stinker at home and fall all the way to last place in one simple game. Take that, fans. A Brownie Bake Sale never smelled so good. 

Only 6 weeks to go, Doormat Denizens- hold onto your ear muffs it's gonna be a wild ride to the Moldy Carpet finish.

aaaAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!!!!

And Then There Were Four

Well, guess what? Only one fancy pants team with a lousy defense is left in the quest for the Reverse Moldy Carpet trophy, which I have been told is called the Super Bowl Trophy. Something like that. It's hard to see the writing when you are down in the basement and the trophy is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay way up there on that shelf in the nice room with all the shiny stuff. We're not allowed in there.

This weekend's games was the classic reminder that hard tough defense, error-free offense and turnovers carry the day in the playoffs. The Niners set that tone at their 3 yard line with The Hit of the weekend, Donte Whitner knocking out Pierre Thomas, and knocking out the ball, stopping the Saints cold on their first drive. The wisdom was the Niners couldn't score more than 27. Alex Smith and Vernon Davis clearly had another plan. Not bad for having been in the 10 Club just last year.

Doormat Legacy: Niners still kept it under 20 first downs, punted 8 times, poor 3rd down conversion (wow are they terrible there, 3rd and 7 is like 3rd and a MILE), and Alex Smith still does not have a 300-yard game in his career (299 on Saturday). So some solid Doormat tendencies still hanging around. But ZERO turnovers.

The Giants, what can you say? After losing to the 49ers on Nov 13th and then losing three more in a row, the Giants win 5 of the last 6 and look like their old selves in the playoffs. Kicking, scratching, biting, and flinging the bomb. Watch out. Eli Manning and the Hail Mary. Wow.

The Patriots look like the offensive machine we have come to expect every year for the last 10+, and they got to play the absolute worst team in the playoffs, the Buncos, who thank goodness finished 9-9, and preserve some sort of Doormat Cred. Their defense looked great against the Bunks, but perhaps that was just because someone finally did a little research about how you defense the option, and why nobody runs it in the NFL (fast and smart linebackers, anyone?).

And, finally, the Baltimore Ravens, the team with the killer defense, and a stench-defying offense! Tom Brady better hope he doesn't end up on a gurney by halftime. The Ravens got a Doormat Gold 11 first downs, 227 total yards, 9 punts, and WON the stinking game yesterday, because the Texans gifted them two touchdowns and basically coughed the ball up whenever they were in danger of mounting a threat. Rookie quarterbacks and the playoffs really don't mix once you hit the second round.

OKAY, on to the matchups!

If you've spent any time watching football for the last 30 years, you know that a Niners-Giants matchup in the playoffs is something to put on extra padding for. Some of the most brutal contests are these two in the playoffs. Joe Montana got hit so hard once by Giant DE Leonard Marshall, breaking his hand and cracking some ribs, that he said "I thought I was gonna die." The worst beating the 49ers ever had in the playoffs was the 49-3 shellacking at the hands of the Giants back in 1989. The 49er faithful haven't forgotten, and neither have the Giants fans forgotten the galling 39-38 loss back in 2003. The playoff record between these two is 4-3 49ers. Wanna read up on a crusher? 1991, 15-13 Giants win in the NFC Championship (see Montana quote above).

OKAY, the game: The 49ers get a home game, but it's against a team that is going to give them a far tougher fight than the Packers were going to. The Giants defense is ranked lower (25th) than the Patriots (15), but ignore that.

What not to ignore is that Green Bay dropped a lot of wide-open passes yesterday. The Giants secondary is so-so, unless they come up with INTs. Alex Smith doesn't throw interceptions...he throws it away (hence the crummy 3rd down conv. percentage). So, Niners aren't going to go nuts, but they will have some chances in the air. Giants defend the run decently, and Frank Gore, though he got in a big run and made some big catches late in the game Saturday, is running on tired legs (he does a lot of pass blocking). Watch for some trick plays with Ted Ginn Jr., if he is healthy, and making Gore an outlet option a tad more. Giants will triple team Vernon Davis, and so Michael Crabtree is going to have to go up and get a few. Best chance for INTs is to get your hands up and deflect Smith's passes, as he is a tad short and throws flat on short passes.

Giants have zero running game, worst in the league, and it should get nowhere on Sunday, putting Eli Manning in the 49er pass rush target sights. Serious trouble for NY. Anytime Manning puts on a helmet and hits the field, I give them a chance. He comes up big in the big games.

The weather forecast is for rain and a swamp of a field, as only a below sea-level field just a parking lot from the water can produce. I really think both teams are going to have an extremely hard time scoring at all, and it's going to come down to a long field goal as time expires. 49er kicker David Akers set the record for most field goals ever this year and hit on 7 of 9 from over 50 yards, which is kind of obscene.

Giants K Lawrence Tynes is no slouch, but hit on only 1 of 3 from over 50.

Pick: 49ers by 1

The team that gets no respect (supposedly) against the team that always looks like they are just going to march into the Super Bowl and win, but, in fact, don't. But 3 out of 4 times in 10 years ain't bad. I mean, the Cleveland Browns haven't done that. Just sayin'. Have another bowl of Chomps (special Super Bowl flavor- "Bitter").

The GAME: Do the Ravens have a weakness on defense? If anyone is going to find it, Tom Brady will. Once again, the Pats are another playoff team with not much of a running game, and against the Ravens, that's trouble.

The Ravens have a running game, definitely, and the Pats are not tough on the run. If the Ravens can get an early lead, they could grind it out and pull out a win. If Brady can find some time to throw, and they make a good game plan, and snag a couple of early turnovers, Ravens go home. The Ravens have already played the toughest AFC defense in the playoffs (Texans), so they will move the ball. The Pats are surprisingly good at stopping teams from scoring, when they have to.

The Ravens have played exactly ONE team, all year, with any kind of a high powered offense, the Chargers. And they lost 34-14. They barely beat the Browns 20-14. Joe Flacco is not Joe Namath, fu manchu mustache or not.

Pick: Pats by 14.

aaaAAAAAAAAAAAnd That's the View from the Basement!