PARTY IN ST. LOUIS!!!!
St. Louis Rams 31, New Orleans Saints 21
You didn’t see that coming, did you? What was our prediction? 73-0? 222-0? Here’s what we all forgot: the Saints tend to play really poorly the week after they blow somebody out. And I mean. Cardinals win the World Series and the Lambs actually win a game. Averaging a blowout per game (28-9 average), the Lambs get in on the parade in St. Louis, dunk the Saints in the Big Muddy repeatedly, and Stephen Jackson runs right over the victory-addled Saints in a good old-fashioned beat-down upset. The throwback unis didn’t hurt either. Upset of the year so far. The Lambs lead for 39 minutes, which is 6 times as long as they’ve been ahead ALL SEASON. Nearly everybody took off for the Cardinals parade right after the game, but left a few deputized hard-core tailgaters to guard the scoreboard and make sure it was still 31-21 until well after midnight.
Job well done! The Lambs, er, Rams, now have 87 total points, ballooning their points average up to a gaudy 12.4, seriously jeopardizing their chances to break the record set by the amazing Atlanta Falcons of 1974 (7.9). They also leave the ranks of perfect records, leaving just the Dolts (0-8), Floppers (0-7) and some team called the Packers. They aren’t even in last place in the NFC Worst, for crying out loud. What kind of a league is this?
Baltimore Ravens 30, Arizona Cardinals 27
I’ll tell you what kind of league it is. It’s where you blow a 21 point lead, and you’re coach says “our guys believe in what we’re doing. If you look at the first half, it shows that if we do it the right way, we can be a good football team.” Uh-huh. A quarter here, a half there, pretty soon, you’ve compiled a WHOLE good football game. Crudinals come crashing to the front of the NFC Doormat lead. Guess who’s on the schedule for next week? The Lambs!!! It’s for all the marbles next week in the desert!! Be There.
Or be somewhere far away.
Perhaps by 'available', she means ready to take a few snaps.
Pulling a “Tebow”
Detroit Lions 450, Denver Buncos 10
Well, we were right. It’s Two Mile High stadium now, after the Buncos get blown Rocky Mountain High (man, that’s good sh-) by the kinda pissed off Detroit Lions. Tim Tebow gets mocked on the turf for prayers to the almighty for everything from soup to fumbles. Wanna take a knee? The Lions were only too glad to help- 7 sacks, 5 fumbles, a ‘pick-6’ and just a good old fashioned trouncing. Buncos back to losing big, like we know they can. Up next: the Headless Raiders. He’s heading into the belly of the beast! Get thee to a nunnery!!
WORST TEAM OF WEEK 8
Buffalo Bills 23 Washington Redskins 0
Hold on, you mean we have to CHOOSE? I’m going with the Washington Deadskins, who gave coach Mike Shanahan his first-ever shutout losing 23-0 to the Buffalo Bills, checking in with 10 first downs, NINE sacks, and 178 total net yards. In a close second were the Gaguars, who have 174 total yards, eight punts and nearly bored the Houston Texans to death. It kept them in the game. Deadskins back on the right side of losing, at 3-4.
The Rest of the Gods of Gawdawful
Minnesota Vikings 24, Carolina Panthers 21
They tried. They really did. The Yikings, Kings of the Come From Ahead Loss, had it all set up as time wound down yesterday, giving the Pansies multiple opportunities to pull out the win, but were thwarted from even sending it into overtime in order to lose there, as the Pansies have kicker Orlando Mare shank one from 3 feet away as time expired. And they did it at home! Ka-Blooey!! Honestly, this game was pretty darn fun to watch, both rookie quarterbacks look good, but that ending- the Pansies still are pulling out the deflating losses, no matter what. My Yikings fall to 2-6, and lose a chance to take the lead in the NFC. Grr.
Tennesee Titans 27, Indianapolis Colts 10
Dolts just keep on rolling, rolling…they just keep rolling alooooooooooong.
What’s going to keep this team from losing them all? Peyton Manning returning, which seems to be never, or the Gaguars who show up twice real soon, or the Pansies- who should trounce the Dolts, but…see above. Dolts have serious shot to go 0-16.
Philadelphia Eagles 34 Dallas Cowboys 7
Tony Romo shows Michael Vick who’s boss, and the Cowpies play their worst game of the year- and that’s not chopped liver. Time of possession 17:51- anything under 18 minutes is like never having the ball all day. That’s like taking Sunday off. Maybe run some errands, get a little yardwork done.
Cincinnati Bengals 34, Seattle Seahawks 12
You want chopped liver? The Seahags are your team. Is there really such a thing as a Seahawk, or is that really just a grouchy seagull? I remember throwing chum off the back end of the ferry in the Puget Sound, and the seagulls circling and timing the catch amazingly perfect each time. It’s so pleasing to have a Seahawk catch something you’ve thrown………..not that it happened in Seattle yesterday. Actually, the Hags rang up 350 yards of passing, but shot themselves in the foot so many times in every other phase of the game that they had to play the last quarter driving those ‘retiree’ carts. It was the Jim Zorn Syndrome all over again. Seahags ‘improve’ to 2-5 and the 49ers clinch the NFC Worst.
NY Giants 20 Miami Dolphins 17
The Floppers should have won this game. But, if you’re a Flopper Fan, you can’t say that, because you’d be saying it every week, and people tend to start giving you extra space if you keep saying the same thing all the time. Floppers getting really good at blowing the game late. Still perfect after seven games, the Fish will be hard pressed to go 0-16, though, as bad as they may be. The Cheaps, the Deadskins, the Cowpies , the Pheebles, the Raiders and the Jets can all play a mean game of terrible on any given Sunday, so there’s going to be some more nailbiters like this one. Hang in there, Flopper fans, just be glad the Dolts don’t come to town.
San Francisco 49ers 20, Cleveland Browns 10
Brownies bring it under .500, at 3-4, and just can’t leave the Basement. It’s the orange couch, isn’t it? Make yourself comfortable guys. You have a defense, but still, after all these years, no offense.
THE BEST WORST STATS OF NFL WEEK 8!!!!
Points 0 Deadskins
Yards 174 Gaguars
Rush 26 Deadskins
Pass 90 Gaguars
3rd dwn conv 2-14 Donkey-Buncos
Sacked 9 Deadskins
Turnovers 3 Donkey-Buncos (plus 1 int for TD!)
Punts: 8 Gaguars, Titans
Penalties: 12-92 Crudinals
Poss: 17:51 Cowpies
Great wrapup Wacko!
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredible game. When I first saw the second quarter score I thought I read it wrong, but I assumed the Lambs would choke and the Saints would bury them in the second half...but it didn't happen. Amazing.
Pansies, Yikings game was a good one, too, but I really thought the Pansies would get the win. It was like they really did want to lose! Look out in three years for Cam Newton and Christian Ponder.
The Pheebles game looks like the Eagles will fight their way out of the basement and into the playoffs yet. Man, they looked like the team they were hyped to be.
Crudinals lost like a true doormat.
Pheebles gonna be sorry they played pretend Doormat. If they think they can just hang out in our basement and leave without some repercussions they got another think coming.
ReplyDeleteHappy Halloween! Will the Cheaps trick the Chargers, or will the Chargers treat themselves to a win? The Pheebles dressed up like a dream team last night. The Lambs dressed up like a winner. The Cruds dressed up like a doormat drenched in stale beer. The Buncos might be the most fun and the scariest. They might dress up like a bad joke every week. The Lions making fun of "Teebowing" killed me. That was quite a trick! God bless the NFL!!
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