DOORMAT DIVISION: NFL WEEK 9 ROUND-UP AND BEAT-DOWN

NFL WEEK 9:  ALMOST UPSET!   Bucs,  Vikes, Rams, Chargers, Texans, Ravens all pull defeat from flaming jaws of victory!  Who is the worst coach:  Greg Schiano or Leslie Frazier?  Two teams still winless after Week 9!   Bills refuse to win.    Yes, the Falcons REALLY ARE THAT BAD.  Steelers give up most points ever.  

A subtle gesture from the ref, informing Bucs coach

Greg Schiano about his job security. 

NFC                                                        .

                           W-L         PF-PA

Tampa Bay           0-8          124-190

Minnesota            1-7          186-252

NY Giants             2-6          141-223
Atlanta                2-6          176-218

St. Louis              3-6          186-226

AFC                                                          .

Jacksonville         0-8           86-264

Houston               2-6         146-221

Pittsburgh            2-6         156-208

Buffalo                 3-6         189-236

Baltimore             3-5         156-208

BUCCANEERS 24,  SEAHAWKS 27 (OT)

Like Vivian Stanshall of the Bonzo Dog Band said,  ‘sometimes you just can’t win.’ 

And then there’s the Bootineers.  Surviving their biggest scare of the season, nearly dropping from the ranks of the un-victorious, the Bucs play one half of football (up 21-0), while the Seahawks play the other half… plus a few extra minutes.  Bucs coach Greg Schiano’s hot seat is now set to ‘fry.’   We have to hope they keep him for the rest of the season, or the whole 0-16 train will be jeopardized.  This man is Doormat Gold.

Bootineers 0-8 for first time since 1985, when they went 0-9.  Couple more weeks of this, and they can start dreaming about 1976.  

VIKINGS 23,  COWBOYS  27

Despite Cowpats QB Tony Romo doing his classic best to give the Vikes the game with a late INT deep in his own territory right after the Vikes took a 23-20 lead, it comes to naught.  The Vikes do nothing with the ball, and kill it on the Dallas 10 with 2:44 remaining.  The Vikes then go into ‘prevent the win’ defense, and Dallas converts a snappy 90-yard drive with 35 seconds to spare.   Vikes coach Leslie Frazier does it again.

1-7 and still in the hunt.  

OK, so who is worse?   Schiano or Frazier?  The fans sure seem to hate Schiano more, in a really vocal way.  Schiano has no victories, dumped Josh Campbell on Frazier’s Vikes, and then Frazier immediately started him against the Giants, the one team the Vikes were going to beat unless they did something stupid…which they did.  So, it’s a toss-up, but I’m going with Schiano right now.  You can’t argue with 0-8. 

RAMS 21,  TITANS 28

The Lambs grab 5^th place in the DOORMAT NFC with a fumble on their 19 with 2:54 remaining.   In a classic Lambs run defense move, the Titan’s Charles Johnson runs it in on the very next play.  POW!  3 losses in a row, and the natural order of things seems better today with the Lambs back in the Doormat standings.

RAVENS 18, BROWNS 24           

Yes, that’s the Ravens there on the Doormat loser-first score, with our beloved Brownies on the winning side.  It’s world turned upside down.  Just 7 weeks ago the Brownies sent out notice that they were tanking the season. It hasn’t worked out that way, and now resurrected cast-off QB Jason Campbell is showing why the Raiders got rid of him- he knows how to win a game.   Brownies still have a losing record, but I’m not sure they’re going lose 10 games anymore.  It’s gonna be tough.   5 years in row (best in the NFL) in the 10 Club is in trouble. 

RAIDERS 20,  EAGLES 49

Finally somebody shows how it’s done.   The Raiders play their worst game of the year,  avoid getting to .500, and get humiliated by the Pheebles at home. It was like a tomb at the Coliseum yesterday.  The Silver and Blacked Out play man-to-man pass defense, and Eagles coach Chip Kelly takes the gift to the bank, as Nick Foles looks like Y.A. Tittle out there.  Receivers so wide-open that my mom could’ve made the completions.  Raydurz take huge step back into the Basement, and we have to rethink their chances of getting 10 losses after all.  

FALCONS 10,  CAROLINA 34

The Failcons are terrible.  OK?  Got that?  If only you’d listened to us in the first place, you wouldn’t keep picking them to win a game.  Stop it.   12 first downs and 4 turnovers.  They were worse than the Raiders.   They’ve only beaten the Lambs and the Bootineers.   Rematch with Tampa in 2 weeks.  BE THERE.

TEXANS 24, COLTS 27

The Texans lose the coach for the rest of the game as he collapses walking off the field at halftime.  It obviously affected the team, and the Colts come back and steal the game.  I’m not sure if things could get much worse for the Toxins.   We hope coach Kubiak is going to be all right.  That’s no way to lose.

STEELERS  31,  PATRIOTS 55

The Reelers couldn’t lose easy yesterday.  They opened with two Big Ben turnovers on their first two drives, but still found themselves tied at 24-24 in the third quarter.  But, this season’s trademark terrifically porous defense took care of business in the 4^th quarter, giving up 28 points.  55 is the most points ever scored on the Shower Curtain. 

BILLS 13, CHIEFS 23

The Chiefs vaunted D took the day off yesterday, and  the Buffalo Nils get a real scare, nearly winning the game.  Fill-in rookie QB Jeff Tuel had to overthrow and underthrow and dumb-throw and have 6 passes dropped by his iron-handed receivers to pull out this loss, because the Chiefs really really tried to hand it to them.  Bills should have been up 27-3 by the 3^rd quarter.  Luckily, they nixed that.  A goal-line pick-six that was returned 99 yards for the TD, and a Nils fumble deep in their own territory returned for a TD was all KC needed.   The Chiefs have a terrible offense.  They are the worst 9-0 team I’ve ever seen.  None of the teams they’ve played have a winning record.   That changes next week when they travel to Denver to get pasted by the Broncos.  

Of course, this brings up the thought that maybe nobody has a winning record in this league.  There’s some really great Doormat competition out there, and it’s a testament to Minnesota, Tampa and Jacksonville that these teams have been able to keep it to 1 victory or less.  It’s going to get tougher every week.  STAY TUNED,  Doormat fans, I think it’s going to be a wild Run to the Moldy Carpet.

aaaAAAAAAAnd That’s the View from the Basement!!!!!!!

-wacko