Anyway, speaking of fire, there are two burning questions this week. Will the Eagles win a game before the season ends, and will the Colts win a game before the season ends? Remember, the Lions lost 19 in a row from 2007-2009 (going 0-16 in 08). The Colts, counting their wild card loss to end 2010, right now are 0-14. Can they lose 6 more in a row? We will see.
But first the Eagles, who have crash landed like The Eagles, who ran into themselves while driving in the fast lane.
And what are Eagles fans thinking right now?
 |
| "I don't know whether to sit here and watch or go in there and screw the whole thing up myself." |
All this Oracle can say is, "Don't get your hopes up, you play a totally revived Dolphins, then the Jets, Cowboys, and Redskins. Your only hope is the Redskins."
And the Colts? Manning keeps threatening to play. Maybe they can get Eli to stand in and play right-handed. He'd probably win anyway. But seriously, Colts face Baltimore, Tennessee, Houston, and Jacksonville. They might eek a win in Tennessee, but the only real hope is to beat the Jaguars (pronounce jag-ee-wires if you are a Brit twit). Which makes me think maybe they should play soccer. They already boot the ball more often than carrying it. But I digress. Back to the Colts. They are poised to make history. Not only could they run the table, but they were in the playoffs one year ago and the Super Bowl two years ago. It would be an epic collapse everyone here in the basement would love to cheer as we jam our faces with pretzels, nachos, hot dogs, and warm Ranier beer.
In the meantime, the Oracle From the Basement has picked up a new frozen turkey and will now spin it on the basement floor on a pile of newspapers already used by our new friend, Mr. Eagle. Hi, there, pal, how about a raw mouse? Yum.
Vegas, here are your numbers. Gentlemen, make your predictions.
NFL Week 14 Predictions
Browns- 10
Steelers- 28
Texans- 17
Bengals- 14
Vikings- 28
Lions- 31 (OT)
Eagles- 10
Dolphins- 36
Chiefs- 14
Jets- 17
Patriots- 107
Redskins- 0 (seriously, 35-10)
Falcons- 24
Panthers- 28
Buccaneers- 17
Jaguars- 3
Colts- 10
Ravens- 42 (see ya later)
49ers- 28
Cardinals- 3 (time to go off the rails)
Rams- 10
Seahags- 9 (God this will be a bad game!)
Giants- 24
Cowboys- 27 (getting back on track)
Bills- 33
Chargers- 38
I could use a RED ZONE right now. Probably go good with this new Chomps cereal flavor- "Twist"
ReplyDeleteWhere is that quote from- " I don't know whether to sit and watch..." ?? I've forgotten!!
ReplyDeleteRIch Little, doing his Nixon impersonation on the Smothers Brothers show. It was a skit about the election, and each candidate was talking about what he would do for the country. Little, as Nixon, steps in and says (as I recall), "I don't know whether to stand here on the sidelines and watch the country go to hell or get in there and screw the whole thing up myself." The really hilarious part is, Nixon had not yet entered the race at the time (1967). I still remember that as one of the funniest and most poignant and prophetic moments in comedy.
ReplyDeleteYou can look for Chomps cereal this weekend! (I promise)
ReplyDeleteBrowns- 20
ReplyDeleteSteelers- 17
Texans- 27
Bengals- 24
Vikings- 28
Lions- 24
Eagles- 17
Dolphins- 20
Chiefs- 24
Jets- 23
Patriots- 31
Redskins- 17
Falcons- 23
Panthers- 24
Buccaneers- 27
Jaguars- 13
Colts- 13
Ravens- 16
49ers- 20
Cardinals- 23
Rams- 3
Seahags- 8
Giants- 28
Cowboys- 27
Bills- 13
Chargers- 18
Hey, almighty, no way Brownies or Crudinals win. Only way Brownies get a W is defense- 6-3. (Maybe). Vikings will not win either. And Lambs will win because Seahags are not capable of winning two in a row. As Harry Kari said, "Riding the crest of a two game winning streak."
ReplyDeleteIt's UPSET WEEKEND, apparently. Any team that needs it's running game to win, and does not have a killer defense, is going to have a hard time getting past the 49ers. So I also doubt the Cards, but it's important to remember the Cruds and Niners HATE each other with a passion. It's really something. The Rams rivalry has died, but the Cruds rivalry is getting bigger every time. So I don't count the Cards out anytime against us.
ReplyDeleteThe Browns score was a typo or brain fart. I can't root for my team to WIN. That's crazy!
ReplyDeleteTONIGHTS GAME: Steelers 17 Brownies 3
ReplyDeleteGood call, Wacko, Brownies will keep Steelers mostly out of the end zone, but won't get over 150 yards offense themselves.
ReplyDeleteIf they'd gone for that field goal, i'd have the score exactly. Colt McCoy sure has the QB name, but wow is he atrocious in the red zone. Has never beaten an AFC North team. 0-8. That's a fast track to the waiver wire.
ReplyDeleteThe Basement Picks:
ReplyDeleteI'm all out of Chomps Cereal, so I have to do this without proper nutrition:
49ers 20
Crudinals 17
Beenie Wells runs into brick wall. 49ers have almost no pass rush, though, so Kevin Kolb keeps them in game. 49ers will try more bombs.
Dolts 3
Ravens 31
Joe Flacco has field day against flatlining Dolts secondary.
Ravens have best defensive secondary around....and a pretty frightening pass rush. Dolts unstoppable.
Cheaps 14
Jets 10
Cheaps secondary 2nd in league in interceptions, and Jets QB Sanchez will just add to the pile. Will we see Kyle Orton? Cheaps are 10 point underdogs. They will AT LEAST beat the spread. Just not bad enough for this game.
Yikings 14
Lions 21
If the Lions can lose this one, it's curtains on their season. Ex-doormat vs. Doormat in crucial game- the abyss looms, but Yikings will be ready.
Bootineers 12
Gaguars 10
Apparently you can have only 1 team from Florida playing well (the Flops), so these teams will be pulling out all the stops-to lose. Despite the 6 game skid, Bootineers find out what planned bad is. Nobody is stopping the Gags from getting to the bottom of things, and up in the draft.
Falcons 10
Pansies 28
Cam Newton gets first real upset. Defense plays inspired, and buys into idea of winning.
Patriots 89
Deadskins 2
Deadskinks have a lot of nothing. Plenty of nothing. Nothing is plenty for them.
Nils 13
Charge-its 24
Philip Rivers can't help but look good against this decimated Nils team that has returned to the basement with a loud thump. Nils on mission to lose 10. It's fascinating theater.
MONDAY
ANOTHER marquee Monday Night Doormat:
Lambs 6
Seahags 7
This one is "off" the board in Vegas. It's OFF everywhere, but the Lambs have perfected the quiet loss. Unlike the Browns, who lose with style! Seahags losing their losing edge- call it late season boredom with the same old.
Good analysis every game Wacko. The Kittens/Yikings game is the one to watch this weekend. They are both staring at the abyss. By the way, Bleacher Report rates this year's Colts as the worst NFL team of all time.
ReplyDeleteOne of the worst teams of all time, The '71 Falcons (I think that's the year) didn't even finish last that year. They averaged LESS than 10 points a game. The Dolts have to be right up there. They really just can't get anything done.
ReplyDeleteI forgot the Eagles and Dolphins, a marquee matchup!
ReplyDeleteEAGLES 14
DOLPHINS 27