Lucky Week 13 (Triskaidekaphobia)
Some really interesting developments in the basement yesterday. I got a firm reminder of why we do this blog. I’ll get to that in the Yikings game.
AFC
Okay, it’s pretty much a lock. The Dolts improve to 0-12 and with only 4 games left. The Jacksonville Gaguars can’t catch them. Not that they haven’t tried. One more game and they at least clinch a tie. But we’re going by worst to best records today.
Indianapolis Colts 24, New England Patriots 31
Dolts QB Dan Orlovsky is on a mission. To not be on the hook for a second 0-16 season.
Staging their most furious rally of the season, Orlovsky got the Dolts within a touchdown with :36 seconds left yesterday, but it just amounts to a shiny Futile Comeback. But make no mistake, Orlovsky moved the ball in a way Chris Painter never does. Couple this with Peyton Manning doing some tossing on the sidelines, threatening to play a game, and the outlook for the Dolts is complicated. Going 0-16 looks a lot harder now. They should get stuffed by the Ravens next week (I don’t think the Ravens are going to play any more ‘stinker after ‘stellar’ games this season), but after that it’s Tennessee, Houston (who is struggling), and then the Gaguars in Jacksonville. The Gags only motivation on January 1st will be to not be the team that got beat by Indianpolis, but imagine their hangovers. Frankly, I don’t think that’s going to be enough. If the Dolts don’t beat Houston, they’re going to beat the Gaguars. I hope it’s on the tube. Predicted finish: 1-15.
Jacksonville (3-8) at San Diego (4-7)
Who knew, 5 weeks ago, that this AFC matchup was going to be for 2nd place in the Doormat AFC? The Chargers have imploded just about as spectacularly as the Eagles (but not on national TV every week). The Cheaps and the Bears brought home the Boring yesterday, but this game has sloppy written all over it.
Cleveland Browns 10, Baltimore Ravens 24
Brownies still playing blank-helmet football. They need a bowl of Chomps cereal.
It’s not their fault they had to play the Dolts and the Floppers early in the season. The Dolphins would just blow them out now. They could easily be 2-10 instead of 4-8. So many missed opportunities. Brownies do NOT muff a FG, and Ravens get only 4 sacks.
So, pretty good day, all around. Brownies in position to at least take 2nd.
Miami Dolphins 489, Oakland Raiders 14
That’s not a typo. Now, take a look at this ‘review’ in this morning’s San Francisco Chronicle. The ‘little man’ has been used for reviewing movies and plays for years here in the paper- he’s a tradition. He also covers the football teams. First, the 49ers review (click on the image to get a better view) :
See the little man applauding? Falling out of his chair with joy?
And now, the Raydurz:
You can’t play a worse game. Those 14 points came after the Dolphins (no Floppers here) started playing people from the stands in the 4th quarter. This was a serious, serious, beat-down. They way the Dolphins are playing now, I don’t know how they started 0-7. The best bad team in the NFL isn’t even bad anymore. It will take a miracle for them to make the “10” club. They have a shot to go 8-8! They won’t, but it’s a shot.
Carson Palmer has some secret Bunglonian Fog in his helmet, and adds to his NFL all-time record 17 interceptions returned for TDs. Nobody else is even close. Raydurz bring the usual pirate ship laden with penalties, and walk their own plank. Amazing doormat performance from a team that really needed this one. Hats off to the Dolphins for starting to click on all fins and pushing around a team that claims to want to bully their opponents. You’re supposed to do it ON the field, guys, and you don’t smile when the cops take your photo.
Buffalo Bills 17, Tennessee Titans 23
They’re BAAAAAACK. You know, while I was warming up my coffee on the grill this morning on the patio, I noticed somebody had put the Nils welcome mat back out front the sliding glass door into the Basement. Really nice touch guys. Nils plummet to 5-7, and have every chance of making the “10” club now.
STIFF OF THE WEEK
Kansas City Chiefs 10, Chicago Bears 3
This is yesterday’s bomb. 24 total first downs. The Cheaps punted ELEVEN times, which, I’m telling you, is almost impossible to pull off. You have to have punted on 2nd downs a couple of times. A Paul Hornung drop-kick on a roll out. And they WON. Without Jay Cutler at QB, the Bears are in bad shape. Losing to the Cheaps….the Cheaps did their best to come in UNDER the wire, but the Bears countered with 3 interceptions, and the Cheaps couldn’t overcome the gifting maleovolence.
NFC
St. Louis Rams 0, San Francisco 49ers 26
Okay, I watched this one. When I wasn’t sleeping. The league’s weakest offense against the league’s stingiest defense. Goose egg. Lambs now have 140 total points on the season, getting their average down to 11.666 (66666666). And the devil is in the details!
The Lambs are the big play specialists- I ran out of fingers counting the blown coverage assignments in the defensive secondary- and yesterday was no exception. 49er QB Alex Smith gets in his TWO longest pass plays of the season, 56 and 52 yards, both for touchdowns. And this from a team that can’t convert in the red zone anymore. The Lambs have the answer for that- score from WAY OUTSIDE THE RED ZONE. Lambs just about run the table for worst stats this week (see below). WOW. 2-10 and how did they ever win a game?
Minnesota Vikings 32, Denver Broncos 35
This is the game that reminded me of what the Doormat is here for. I loved the Vikings when I was a kid. The purple pants. Fran Tarkenton running around like some maniac. The Viking helmets. The losing 4 Super Bowls. OK skip that part. But I root for the Yikes to win. But after they blew this game yesterday, I’m tied for FIRST in the NFC Doormat, into the “10” club at 2-10. Just try and take that from me.
Tim Tebow keeps getting the opportunities, and the Yikings know how to create them. These guys just can’t hold a lead. Period. Mercifully, my local station cut away from the end of the game, sparing me the spectacle of the final interception and Denver FG.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 19, Carolina Panthers 38
Well……Preston Parker didn’t fumble. That’s all I can think of.
Bucs have come storming into the basement with a 6 game skid, and they are falling on their own scabbards. Pansies have figured out that maybe they really aren’t doormat material anymore.
Washington Redskins 19, New York Jets 34
Deadskings flirt with playing respectable game for 3 quarters and then turn on the Doormat muscle in the 4th quarter, pulling out all the stops. Fumbles, penalties, interceptions, special team blunders. They did it all. Jets reel off 3 touchdowns, and it’s a blowout.
University of Phoenix Crudinals 19, Dallas Cowboys 13
Yesterdays most stunning event. I am speechless.
Philadelphia Eagles 14, Seattle Seahags 31
The Seahags are not a particularly good football team. But the EAGLES…are just WOW. Vince Young throws the ball up for grabs all night long, and gets rewarded with 4 interceptions. They’re gonna make the 10 Club. C’mon Pheebles!!!!!
Detroit Lions 17, New Orleans Saints 31
Yes, the Lions still have a winning record. 7-5. I can see there in the paper. Sure enough. But if they can keep up the Bonehead personal foul penalties at crucial moments (lots of eager guys filling in for Kong Suh), they are not going to win another game. I don’t care if they play the Yikings. They won’t make the 10 club, but 7-9 it not out of the question.
THIS WEEK’S LOWEST STATS NFL WEEK 13
Points 0 Rams
Yards 157 Rams
Rush 31 Rams
Pass 88 Bears
Turnovers 4 Eagles
Sacked 7 Bears
Punts 11 Chiefs
Penalties 11-107 Lions
aAAAAAAAAAAnd THAT’s The View from the Basement!
This was a great week. Almighty, you are closing in on me and I didn't think you could. I never expected the Cardinals to start winning games. Good grief. Gaguars put on a great show Monday Night, but the best game of the week was the Yikings. It was a good game all the way, but then the Yikes found a stellar doormat way to lose. Throw an interception deep in your own territory with less than two minutes to go. Field goal chip shot later you are done, toast, finished.
ReplyDeleteThe TOAST of Minneapolis
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