Cellar Division Weak VIII FINAL

Break up the Lambs!

Well! The Cellar Division rose up and gave their beleaguered cities a respite from ignominy and shame yesterday.

The Panises won. The Floppers won. The Titanics won. The LAMBS won. That's the most victories in one week yet this year!! In the most anticipated game so far in the Cellar Divison season, the Kittens and the Lambs duked it out in Detroit, with the Lambs pulling it out on a Stephen Jackson 25 yard sprint late in the fourth. With one minute left in the first half, the score was 3-2 Lambs. Gotta love that. First win in more than a YEAR for the Lambs- see you November, 2010 for the next one. The Lambs are still ahead of the Kittens in the loss column, but the Bootineers stumble into first in the NFC Cellar without even having played a game. Now THAT'S perfect.

The Pansies win 34-21 because Cardinals QB Kurt Warner forgot which team he was on and completed five passes to Carolina, and fumbled once. Pansies pick up +6 in the Takeaways column. (They are in danger of exiting the league, with the Seahawks at 2-5). Floppers get only 10 first downs but win on two wild kickoff returns for touchdowns. No hot dog for Jet's Mark Sanchez. The Titanics lose all sense of reason and start Vince Young and look what happens- the end of a perfect season. Damn pushy owners and their didactic bossy ultimatums- we want Kerry Collins! And not to be forgotten, the Raydurz literally stumbled their way to another defeat (at least somebody around here knows how to lose) losing to the Chargers 222-0. Oh, wait that was Cumberland Gap vs. Georgia Tech back in the 20s (that's a real score, by the way). Raydurz pile up 81 yards passing, with Ja-miss-it Russell going down 5 times in sacks, with the last one coming on a 'pick' play which worked perfectly- both receivers ran straight into each other and went down, leaving Russell with the option to eat some grass. The Keystone Cops couldn't have drawn it up any better.

BLOWOUT/LOSER OF THE WEEK: Brownies 6, Bears 30. Now, that's not two field goals- the Browns actually scored a touchdown- but got the kick blocked. Cleveland takes least first down honors for the week with 9. That's getting to be a regular thing with them. They also snag a tie for league lead in turnovers with 5 yesterday. This puts them firmly in FIRST in the AFC Cellar this week, floating up to the surface of Lake Erie, bobbing there, quietly.

Fewest Points: Brownies 6

Fewest First Downs: Brownies 9

Fewest Total Yards: Floppers 104 (and the WON)

Most Turnovers: Brownies 5

The Standings WEAK VIII

NFC

W-L PF- PA TA/GA

Bootineers 0-7 96- 203 -2

Lambs 1-7 77- 221 -7

Kittens 1-6 113-205 -4

Pansies 3-4 128-166 -8

Deadskins 2-5 96- 123 -8

AFC

Brownies 1-7 78- 209 -10

Titanics 1-6 114-211 -8

Cheeps 1-6 105-181 +2

Raydurz 2-6 78- 201 -10

Floppers 3-4 176-177 -6

These guys are worse: Seahawks (2-5), Buffalo (3-5)

aaaaand that's the view from the Basement!