NFL Week 14 picks and predictions from the Oracle from the Basement

Colts to flirt with Doormat greatness in a monumental 2010 swan dive.

It's NFL Week XIV, though many teams have not played 13 games so it's really week 13 for them. But hey, who's counting other than the NFL back office accountants?

The Oracle from the Basement found a can of Billy Beer next to a moth-eaten moose head in the back room of the cellar. It was next to an old avocado colored hand coffee grinder from 1973. I think it had red daisies painted on it. It was used, but the grounds weren't coffee. Not sure what they were grinding back here in 1973. Er, anyway, this week's predictions are based on rolling the can down the driveway over chalked squares for numbers.

And the predicted winners of the NFL Week XIV games:

Brownies- 16
Nils-13
(Brownies  score in last 2 minutes to ice the Nil's season)

Giants- 24
Yikings- 17 (Farve returns, 4 int.)

Bungles- 0
Steelers- 60 (Time for the playoff drive, sorry Bungles, it's blowout of the week time.)

Falcons- 54
Pansies- 3 (Pansies, see above. Sorry, last week was your last chance to win a game)

Raydurz- 28
Gaguars- 33
(This might actually be a really good game)

Lambs- 18
Saints- 31 (Saints get back on track)

Buncos/Donks- 14
Crudinals- 0
(Stiff of the week)

Cheeps- 28
Dolts- 24
(Again, this might be a great game)

Eagles- 38
Cowpies- 33 (Resurgent Dallas slams up against desperate Eagles. Vic pulls a winner here)

Seahags- 21
0-4-9ers-20
(game of the week!)

And what may be the swan dive of the year even though it's not a Doormat team:

Colts- 17 (and they go below .500. It's cold in the basement!)
Titanics- 28

By the way, in all seriousness, Bears/Patriots will be a big, big game.I predict four broken bones, five poked eyes, 15 jammed fingers, six sprained knees, one messed up ankle, and two bruised kidneys.