NFL Standings Week XIII--- Doormat Style

As we near Week XIII in the NFL, it's not so much the time for predictions as for a reality check. Unfortunately for many teams, there is no longer any hope of achieving the pinnacle of badness and getting a berth in the BCS (Basement Championship Series).

The NFC Worst (or west), is under .500 with just five games to go. As the schedules stack up, it looks very probable that they will end the season that way. Here is  the schedule for each team for the last five weeks of the season and the computer predicted w/l record for those games:

Crudinals: STL(L), DNV(L), CAR(W), DAL(L), SF(W) (2-3)
Lambs: ARZ(W), NO(L), KC(L), SF(W), SEAT(L) (2-3)
0-4-9ERS: GB(L), SEAT(W), SD(L), STL(L), ARZ(W) (2-3)
Seahags: CAR(W), SF(L), ATL(L), TB(L), STL(W) (2-3)

I imagine the bets are starting to heat up in Vegas.

As for the rest of the NFL, the magic number for our Doormat Division leaders is now 4 for the Pansies and 5 for the Nils, Bungles and Lions. Some teams had better get serious about losing or they will be watching the Toilet Bowl  from the couch with a six pack of Hamms (they still make that?) and a bag of Ruffles left out on a humid night in Saigon. And, as disbelievable as it may be, the Kansas City Cheeps are mathematically eliminated from the AFC Cellar Division championship! Well, at least they can't do better than a tie. By the end of the day, Sunday, we should see a lot more Xs!

Here is the total NFL Cellar standings (X=eliminated, Y=can only tie)

Carolina Panthers, 1, 10

Buffalo Bills, 2, 9

Cincinnati Bengals, 2, 9

Detroit Lions, 2, 9

Denver Broncos, 3, 8

Dallas Cowboys, 3, 8

Arizona Cardinals, 3, 8

Cleveland Browns, 4, 7

Minnesota Vikings, 4, 7

San Francisco 49ers, 4, 7

Houston Texans, 5, 6

Tennessee Titans, 5, 6

Oakland Raiders, 5, 6

Washington Redskins, 5, 6

St. Louis Rams, 5, 6

Seattle Seahawks, 5,6

Miami Dolphins, 6, 5

Jacksonville Jaguars, 6, 5

Indianapolis Colts, 6, 5

San Diego Chargers, 6, 5

Y Kansas City Chiefs, 7, 4

Y Philadelphia Eagles, 7, 4

Y New York Giants, 7, 4

Y Green Bay Packers, 7, 4

Y TB Buccaneers, 7, 4

X Baltimore Ravens, 8, 3

X Pittsburgh Steelers, 8, 3

X Chicago Bears, 8, 3

X New Orleans Saints, 8, 3

X New York Jets, 9, 2

X NE Patriots, 9, 2

X Atlanta Falcons, 9, 2