49ers Stage Clinic, Fail to Show Up for Game

0-4ers 7, Chargers 34

The NFC Worst is in good hands. Faced with the prospect of having an outside chance of finishing the season 8-8, and playing the only team that gave them last best chance for an L, the San Francisco 49ers threw everything they had into this game to secure the loss.

We have to get better at our predictions. 36-10 was just WAY off. How could we be so inaccurate?

1. Two minutes into the second quarter, the 49ers kick a field goal for 3 points. Hold on! Penalty Chargers. 0-4ers take penalty, score a touchdown, Bolts challenge and win, 0-4ers lose touchdown, get down to 4^th and goal, skip kicking a field goal because this is the team that CAN’T score from the 1. 0-4er end up with NO points.

2. Lone 0-4er pass rusher Justin Smith shoves official and is first player to post-game spread. Hit the showers Justin! Have a nice, long, hot tub. Doormat All-Star selection just for this one, glaring, moment. SF defense completely tanks after this.

3. Doormat All-Star offensive tackle Anthony Davis falls down, slips, misses, flails, and provides excellent lanes to the QB all night long. The rest of the 0-line follows suit. 6 sacks, and a bum’s rush on every play for Alex Smith.

4. Linebacker Ahmad Brooks drops two interceptions, one deep in Charger territory. He was the ONLY linebacker not wearing a cast, and it showed. Somebody tape him up!!

5. Coach Mike Single-minded, the man who has NEVER called his radio co-host on the Mike Singletary Show by name, did not consider changing quarterbacks because “It’s a different thing to go from Troy to Alex- it’s, I think, a HORRIFIC thing to go from Alex to Troy.” You know, Mike’s a player’s coach. Too bad the players are in Chicago in 1985.

6. 49er Ted Ginn runs back 2^nd half kick-off for touchdown! Just kidding. You can’t cover 85 yards with this team and not get at least ONE penalty. Take another 7 points off the scoreboard.

This is how you lose to teams with winning records, and it’s also how you lose to the Carolina Pansies. And they DID.

Doomat Specialist Matt Millen, along with Joe Theisman, was in the broadcast booth last night, and weighed in late in the game with his assessment- now is not the time to panic in SF. What the 0-4ers need is some consistency. Stay the course……HE SHOULD KNOW! This is the man the drove the Detroit Lions into the ditch so hard, they’re STILL trying to pull themselves out of the muck. Listen to the man, San Francisco. With any luck, next year you can contend for the Moldy Carpet.

Carpe Diem!!!