We are sprucing up the cellar for the New Year's Eve party and Week 17 chip and beer blowout on Jan. 2. This could be one of the best NFL Doormat weeks ever. The old salsa is scraped off the Green Bay Packers throw rug, we have a brand new keg of Hamms beer in the cooler, the ash trays have been emptied and I cleaned up the Barcalounger with some WD-40. It looks real shiny and smells new. And the neon Blitz sign is working again, though it leans a little to the right on the wall. Time to plunk down on one of our two red naugahyde barstools and make some predictions for the Doormats in Week 17.
The Oracle from the Basement predicts:
Pansies- 0
Falcons- 75
{Pansies complete 2-14 season. A great year for a Doormat)
Yikings- 10
Kittens-7
(Kittens can't win four in a row, can they?)
Nils- 21
Jets-24
(A cliffhanger, but Jets hold on so they can lose in the first round of the playoffs)
Bungles- 10
Ravens- 40
(Without homefield advantage in Bunglelonia Cincy is toast)
Cowpies- 10
Eagles-- 24
(Goodbye, Cowpies)
Crudianals- 8
049ers- 9
(stiff of the year, but no Single-minded at least)
Gauguars- 44
Texans- 30
Buncos/Donks- 12
Chargers- 17
Lambs-12
Seahags- 17
(This is the Doormat game of the century. With a lSt. Louis loss in Seattle, NFC West makes history by offering a team for the playoffs that could not even win half its games. Does that mean Seattle takes the division? It couldn't happen to a nicer city. Someone call Dr. Kramer for some help in this troubled time for sports in the Emerald City. Looks more like radioactive moss right now.)
And who will be our Doormat winners? The Pansies obviously have a lock on the NFC, though the NFC West has managed to stumble its way to notoriety, sort of like Vanilla Ice. But in the AFC, it's hard to call. Bills lose, Buncos lose, Bungles lose. But I predict the tiebreaker of points for and against divided by 3 and multiplied by turnovers divided by 4 will result in an AFC Doormat Championship for the "dark" horse Buncos. A from out of nowhere swan dive to the bottom of the AFC.
And that's where the Oracle ends for this year. What are your pics, guys? C'mon, pony up.
Okay, you fixed that score for the Lambs-Hags. Yeah, that last Cruds-Niners game is going to be a lu-lu. I hope SF starts David Carr and he throws for 400 yards and everybody will look stupid.
ReplyDeletePansies- 0
ReplyDeleteFalcons- 750
Yikings- 10
Kittens-17
(Kittens win four in a row! Yikes bubble bursts)
Nils- 21
Jets-17
(A cliffhanger, and Jets fail so they can also lose in the first round of the playoffs)
Bungles- 6
Ravens- 34
(another bubble bursts)
Cowpies- 17
Eagles-- 14
(Eagles limp into playoffs with every team understanding how to beat them - Brady is MVP by a mile)
Crudianals- 6
049ers- 45
(Ofers go into off season with major personality disorder)
Gauguars- 34
Texans- 24
(Texans play well enough to look like decent losers)
Buncos/Donks- 13
Chargers- 17
(Donkey Kong!)
Lambs- 13
Seahags- 27
(Bradford melt down in prime time)
I just don't see the Seahags winning on Sunday over the Lambs. But if they do, I still won't see it, as I won't be watching the NFC Worst, even if they have managed to make to Prime Time on SNF.
ReplyDeleteSeahags are not as good as the Lambs, but STL does know how to lose against all the odds. I will be watching the NFL Worst. It's history, DT!
ReplyDeletePansies 3
ReplyDeleteFalcons 34
Yikings 17
Kittens 34 Now Walkfish has me doing it- predicting Lions wins.
Nils 19
Jets 7
Bungles 10 (Bungles take the Moldy Carpet AFC)
Ravens 20
Cowpies 24 (11 losses!)
Eagles 28
Crudinals 30 (Cruds not making mistakes anymore....oops jinxed it)
0-4-9ers 7
Gags 17
Texans 6
Donkey-Kongs 24 (Tim Tebow ruins their Moldy Carpet aspirations)
Chargers 13
Lambs 13
Seahags 16
I'm almost never right with predicted scores. Walkfish pretty uncanny sometimes.
Nice Job with the WD-40, by the way. First time I tried to lean back in the barcalounger I slid off, head first.
ReplyDelete