JOHNNY LETDOWN! THE RUN TO THE MOLDY CARPET!

Johnny Letdown Mobbed!  And not By Browns Fans!  JETS AND TITANS IN BASEBALL GAME!  RAIDERS BACK ON TOP! NFC SOUTH CONTINUES TO CHALLENGE US! ONLY TWO MORE WEEKS FOR THE RUN TO THE MOLDY CARPET TROPHY! WE'RE IN THE NY TIMES (sort of)!

Yes, there was an article in the NY Times about Fantasy football leagues now starting to be all about who has the worst team.  We've been doing it for SIX YEARS now, folks, you're just now figuring out that there is far more failure in football than success?  Football is all about failure- so few plays actually work.  It's the operating principle. Somebody give us some props!!

THE STANDINGS

DOORMAT DIVISION , WEEK 15
 

NFC               W-L              PF        PA       DIFF 

Tampa Bay      2-12              254      367     -113

Washington     3-11              257      370     -113 
Chicago           5-9              296       409      -113

NY Giants        5-9               317      339      -22

Atlanta            5-9               348      369      -21

*playing tonight!

AFC             

Oakland           2-12            213       381     -168 

Jacksonville     2-12            211       376     -165

Tennessee        2-12            231       390    -159         

NY Jets            3-11            230       360     -130

Cleveland        7-7              276       300     -24

THE GAMES

BROWNS 0, BENGALS 30

I understand now. Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslem is way ahead of us.  The Browns benched struggling QB Brian Hoyer for the biggest game of the Browns season because they had a rookie QB who was ready and rarin' to do everything wrong! Hoyer's poor footwork? Pish posh! How about frantic chaos instead? The Johnny Letdown era began with a thunderous thud (the sound of Brownie fans slamming their heads against any available surface):  5 first downs!  107 total net yards of empty offense! On the run and looking scared! 1-10 on 3rd down, a couple interceptions, and NO points.  Oh, my the Browns are back to .500 and getting ready for their photo-op out by our BBQ! 

  

But let's go upstairs- it wasn't Johnny's idea to be put in a must-win game late in the season against a bitter rival- it was the coach and the Bosses of Blank Helmet Football. The Brownie Way has never been more clearly articulated on the field as yesterday.  Reverse Engineering to the bottom of the pile. 

So, yes, Johnny No-Touchdowns came on big, big, big, but  the whole team bungled their way through this one, and now they only have to tank two more games (looks like a snap right now!!), and the Beloved Brownie Blank Hats of the Bumbling Basement will be right back home with us at 7-9.

RRRRAIDERS 13, CHIEFS 31

Yesterday's palindrome game featured this season high in punts-  ELEVEN by Marquette King. If not for the charity drives donated by KC during garbage time, it could have been 13. The Chiefs are always willing to keep a game within reach of any Doormat team. But the Raiders came out after half time and, despite one quick KC turnover, got masterfully blown out yet again a week after a victory. The loss puts them back in first in the Doormat AFC. There is an art to suddenly diving all 11 guys on defense up to the line of scrimmage and turning a 3 yard dink pass turning into a 70-yard touchdown, and the Raiders are artistes at it.

TITANS 11, JETS 16

It was 5-3 at halftime. There was a huge brawl. Anything to take attention away from this game. The Titans come out on top, though, as the Jets just got a little too angry and drove for the winning touchdown late in the 4th quarter. It was the first NFL game to ever end 16-11. SO?  After the game, coach Rex Ryan thought his Jets still had only 2 victories, which means he STILL thinks they should have lost one those games. Argh!

The Titanics tried a multi-lateral play on the final play of the game, reaching the Jet 9 yard line.  Whoa whoa whoa!  However, no trombonists appeared in the end zone, and the game ended safely.  Titans, at 2-12, are still tied for first in the AFC.  Jets' (3-11) chance at the Moldy Carpet is crumbling.

BUCCANEERS 17,  PANTHERS 19

Somebody had to win.  Panther QB Cam Newton, recovering from his auto accident, handed over QB duties to Doormat pro Derek Anderson and...actually, he didn't do too bad, and that's good enough against the Bucs, who will lose any game if they get a decent opportunity.  Bucs (2-12) stay one precarious game ahead of Washington (3-11) for the NFC lead.

WASHINGTON 13, GIANTS 24

With a chance to move into a second place tie in the NFC, the Giants just can't come up with a defining turnover or huge play for the Sunburns.  QB Clots McCoy got an owie and RGB (red-green-black) III took over and guided the 'Skins to gory.  Glory. 

Moldy Carpet Outlook

With two games to go, the NFC is between the Bucs and the 'Skins.  The 'Skins should fall to Philly and Dallas to finish up 3-13, and the Bucs have Green Bay (who will be really really angry) and then the Saints.  The Saints are the trap game, as they may SOMEHOW be out of playoff contention by then. If they are, they may all be golfing already, and the Bucs could win the damn game, mess up their draft pick and end 3-13.  This would be disastrous, because the 'Skins have already lost to the Bucs back in week 11, 27-7.  So, the Bucs have to stay the course and finish up strong.

In the AFC, the logjam is something to behold.  Never have we had a 3-way tie this late in the season, and at 2-12 the Jags, Titans and Raiders are all deserving of the Moldy Carpet trophy.  

But next week, the Jags and Titans face off in the hugest game of the season in the Doormat.  Whoever comes out on top is the loser in this one.  Tennessee won the first battle 16-14 back in week 6.  After next week, the Gags face Houston, no gimme, and the Titanics get the Colts, who will be either be playing for a home field advantage in the playoffs or they'll be taking the week off, and playing 3rd string and volunteers from the stands.  So, it will come down to the final week for one of these teams. 

The Raiders have  Buffalo at home and the Broncos in Denver.  Raiders play better at home, could beat Bills after their huge high from beating the Pack.  Bills still in playoff contention, though, so I think the Raiders run the table.  This means it will come down to a tie breaker, and Oakland hasn't faced the Titans or Jags. If Jags and Bucs end in a tie for first, and the Raiders win their last two (oh please), the head-to-head of Jags and Bucs comes into play.  All the Jags gotta do is lose both games to the Titans and have a bigger point differential than the Raiders to be the Champ. That's a tall order, because the Raiders can lose big, and lately they've been really racking up the points.
My money is on the Raiders.  

NFC  SOUTH

Atlanta is fading, the Saints have to lose to Chicago tonight.  If the trend holds, the Panthers will LEAD the NFC South at 5-8-1 with 2 games to go.  6-9-1 or 6-10 takes it.  Atlanta and NO play each other next week. Pray for a tie. Then the next week Atlanta and Carolina collide in the most epic battle of Divisional embarrassment ev- actually, I'm loving it.  I'm still holding that whoever wins this Basement division will go all the way to the Super Bowl, and then they'll cancel it.

OKAY FOLKS 

annnNNNND THAT'S THE VIEW FROM THE BASEMENT!!